I’ve Got Questions!

My sister was super on the fence about a videographer, but we have watched the video so many times- it is great!
My sister in law didn’t get a videographer and always talks about how she regrets it- something I have heard a lot from other people too!

I’m so excited for you 😊

I haven’t been wearing my rings during covid, but before I always wore them except for showering and working out. My dress was actually the second one I tried on. I knew the designer I wanted (Amsale), and knew I wanted to be comfortable and ended up with the Newport Ballgown.

Our wedding was about 85 people and that was perfect. We did a family only ceremony and then had everyone else join us for the reception. I don’t love being the center of attention so this was a really great way for us to celebrate with everyone we wanted to. The only thing I’d change is having my bouquet in our wedding photos. It just wasn’t something I thought about so I left it at our venue in water where it waited to be the centerpiece of our sweatheart table.

Hey, first thing: don’t ever feel guilty about being excited for you wedding, weddings are exciting! You can be excited for your wedding and still know there’s some heavy events happening in the world, they’re not mutually exclusive 🙂

I wear my ring except for when I’m sleeping, showering, cleaning. It makes me happy to wear it alot.
I kept my middle name and changed my last, same as where you’re leaning. But it’s YOUR name, do whatever is going to make you happy.
We had a big wedding, 250+. We have many friends spread all over the country so we don’t often get the whole gang together.
Get a day of planner! Biggest regret, having one would’ve been so helpful! (although nothing went wrong at my wedding, it would’ve just given me piece of mind)
I tried on probably 15 dresses but couldn’t get my mind off of dress #4. Ended up going back for it months later.
The months leading up to our wedding were so stressful and eventful (a death, a major health scare for my sister, a birth, a graduation, so much travel) so we opted to go sit our butts on the beach in Cancun for a week. Seems kind of boring but no regrets! It was just what we needed. All inclusive and minimal planning.
And something people don’t think of… We picked a venue that was a furnished mansion, so it came with all the decorations and even some floral arrangements. We had minimal decorations to bring and it made set up and take down so much smoother. We just brought center pieces and some framed photos to spread around the house. Best idea ever.

Congratulations!

Here are the things I wish I had done so many years ago- a father/daughter dance, since so many of my relatives came from out of town, I wish we had a family only meal together before the party with our adult friends, whether it was the same day or a different one, and I wish my finance would not have surprised me with the honeymoon because I didn’t pack the right things at all. The blog, CupofJo, has some wonderful pictures of couples who eloped in NYC. Definitely take pictures and do a bride, mother, grandmother picture, if possible. I wish I had.

Okay SO. I’m so excited for you, to begin! I’ll have been married for ten years this December (HOW?!) I got married before Pinterest which is honestly just so weird to me now…probably made planning easier though?! I bought an inexpensive dress. No regrets. And the range of inexpensive dresses is SO much better than it used to be. You wear it once…I still have it and I have no idea what to do with it. I’m glad I didn’t spend thousands on it because then I’d feel guilty as well as confused when I look at it these days. I kept my maiden name for work and when I went back to uni to get my masters, but I use my married name for almost everything else. Makes zero difference (and in my country you’re entitled to use both without having to do anything legally, unless you want to change your passport). We had a pretty small wedding – 50 people – and it was perfect. We spent up large on food and wine and have zero regrets about that! We had lots of friends coming from abroad, so for the few days before the wedding we rented a couple of houses near the venue and stayed there with our friends. It was amazing, like a four day long party. We were right on the beach…thinking back to that is one of my favourite things. I highly recommend more time with your friends and family, not less! Save on the ‘things’ and spend on the fun. Oh and I wear my wedding and engagement rings always unless I’m showering or lifting weights, I’d panic if I couldn’t feel them…and they’re tough!

First of all, congratulations!! I’m so happy for you and Mike 🙂
Ring: I have an Art Deco-style ring that is a very broad setting with a lot of small stones. Because of the construction of it, I really only wear it socially, when I know I’m doing something that won’t end with me knocking it against something. I hardly ever wear it at home for the same reason.
Name: I have four names now, but my maiden name was very short. I’m also an only child and the “last” of the family name so it was important to me to keep it. I’m also literally the only woman in my family to keep their maiden name.
Wedding style: very small, with a great photographer. Definitely invest in a photographer you really love and trust. We did a cake-and-punch reception and it let us mingle and talk to every one of our guests! No regrets about the day itself, but if we could do it differently, we would get married at the courthouse (my parents did!) and have a bigger, full-on party reception.
Dresses: I tried on 6 or 7 in a shop, had an allergic reaction to one of them, and ended up ordering a handmade skirt from Lace and Liberty on Etsy! Completely different from the style I originally had in mind.
Random advice: don’t stress about favors. A lot of them just get left behind. Most importantly (I think) do what feels right for you and Mike! Sorry this is so long but I really hope you enjoy the planning process and remember that it’s okay to be living your own best life in the dumpster fire that is 2020.

Ring ? Insure it, that will ease your mind. You will find yourself flipping the stone to the inside of your hand when in public situations. And find a spot that you can leave it when necessary. Name? Ask an attorney on the advantages/disadvantages. I hyphenated on the marriage certificate but use my married name. Dress? Pick a venue that calm serene and beautiful to you both. Then the dress will be what you want. Wedding? It’s a joint decision Never skimp on the food especially the cake no matter how small. Honeymoon? Make a list of places you both want to see and take multiple trips. So much more fun than one and done. Finances? Check with you accountant/attorney. Clarify who’s responsibility is who’s. Marriage? It is where you both start a life together and your family takes 2nd on both sides. Never ever abandon your one group of friends that are not family but are there to listen and not judge as issues will arise.

Congrats on your engagement!

I got engaged in Oct 2019 and because I had so much work travel planned for summer/fall 2020 (ha!) we actually planned out a wedding for ~130 people September 2021. I live in MA so that will only be possible in Phase 4, when there is a vaccine. If I was engaged today and/or hadn’t planned anything, I would honestly consider 2022 or maybe late fall 2021. But of course it is up to you! If the 2021 wedding cannot happen due to COVID, we plan to elope and then do a larger vow renewal/party when it become safe.

I don’t wear my ring all the time. At the beginning of quarantine, I probably went a month without wearing it because I was nervous about it picking up germs/the virus and also because I was washing my hands so much. I never sleep or shower in it, but I was working out in it pre-COVID as I would go straight from the office to the gym.

I plan on changing my last name. If my spouse had a difficult/embarrassing/long last name I wouldn’t even consider it. Like you, I’m excited because my first name is Kelly and my initials will go from KET to KEL. (Similar to your CAH to CAR). I literally cannot wait to monogram KEL on everything. I joked with my friends that even if I don’t legally change my name I plan to socially change my monogram. (I also have 4 brothers, so the family name will live on).

My mom hates shopping (weird, I know) and I did not want to spend an arm and a leg on a dress. So I actually bought a dress on Poshmark! It still has the tags on (BHLDN) and was under $400. Since I live across the country from my family, I plan to Facetime my mom when I get it fitted.

Best wishes! I can’t wait to see how it turns out!

Congratulations! Even with so much negativity going on right now you’re absolutely allowed to celebrate the good things, and should!

Ring – I took mine off for sleeping, dishes, working out, etc., when I first got engaged, then my SIL told me “they’re made to be worn” and now I pretty much only take it off when swimming. It’s a platinum band so it holds up.

Name – I did what you’re considering, and I love that it made us feel more of a family unit, and definitely wanted it for when we have kids. The process was annoying but not that hard. Your name, your decision though!

We had just under 100 people and it was the perfect size – big enough to have most of our family/friends and for it to feel like a party, small enough we could still spend time with everyone.

Best tips – splurge for a good photographer (photos are all you’ll have after the event!), get a day of coordinator, even if you don’t need a full planner (my mom and I did all the planning but the day of coordinator was a life saver so we could relax), save money by ordering flowers online, especially the ones less important (bridesmaids’ bouquets, etc.) and re-use bridesmaids bouquets for centerpieces. Soak it all in and enjoy the day!

The first one I tried I knew was “the one”.
I tried on several more at that store and went to one other store but I knew. It is so fun though so take your time! I wish I’d gone again even though I knew my dress, just for the experience!

We got married in CA, and did a drive down the Pacific Coast Highway with stops along the way. It was lowkey and perfect! We’d been looking at Hawaii or somewhere else further, but planning a wedding and a big honeymoon was so overwhelming.

Our wedding was pretty “basic,” nothing unique but also that’s okay! Do what you want – whether it’s something totally unique or an average wedding. It’s your day!

Ring: I used to wear it daily, taking off only for showers and cooking. Then I had a baby. I didn’t wear because I didn’t want to accidentally stab her with the diamond…and now I don’t wear because apparently I was dinging our kitchen cabinets. Oh well.

Name. I changed it, and 3 years in, it still fees strange. I thought I was really traditional and would love the family name, but I honestly miss my maiden name and looking back, might have kept it.

Wedding. Medium. It was the perfect size and the right group of people. All of our good friends and close family. We invited 200, had 100 come, and I didn’t even miss the 100 who didn’t come!

Best thing for wedding day. Day of wedding planner. We had one for the church and one for the reception and I only wish we’d had one all day to get me through photos between the two!! But each venue provided an EXCELLENT one, so it was wonderful.

Change anything? I would get a planner to help plan, not just day of. I stressed unnecessarily about decisions and timing and budget and I think a planner would’ve kept me on track. It was the perfect end result, but not without stress.

Dresses. Gosh, maybe 10? I had a decent idea of what I wanted and I bought at the second shop I went to. It was just the one.

Honeymoon. A night in Paris then Croatia!! It was wonderful. Part of me is glad we did it, because we have a baby now and we won’t be traveling like that soon. But part of me also wishes we had sat on a beach!

Other advice…don’t fall into the “I must do x trap”…I should’ve skipped favors. I should’ve splurged on the DJ, our guy was good but not perfect (music was on point but he screwed up names for introductions!). My videographers were good but they were a pain to work with through edits. Get an amazing photographer and don’t assume anything – the one shot mine missed was the money shot – is in front of our chapel with the entire beautiful building in it (it was cut off to zoom in on us!).

I do not wear my ring all the time even though we’ve been married for three years! I have ring dishes all over the house for this reason – I can’t type for long periods of time with my ring, and especially when I’m cooking I don’t like to wear it. I bought a silicone ring off Amazon since I work at a gym, and wear that a lot too.

I keep my ring on pretty much all the time, I am just afraid of losing it so if it’s on my hand I know where it is. If I’m hiking, working out, or swimming I wear a silicone band (Qalo has some great options). I changed my name and while I miss my old name and had to grieve it I love that we are a family and both have the same name!

Carly, I’m so thrilled for you as you embark on wedding planning!

Ring – I was also scared about wearing it at first, and it felt weird to have on all the time! Now I don’t even think about it. I only take it off to work out with weights, going in the pool/ocean, and cooking or baking really messy stuff.

Name – I did change my name. I think it’s a super personal choice and no one should be judged for changing or not changing their name! The women in my family typically drop the middle name and make their maiden name their middle name, so that’s what I did. I also didn’t have a pretty middle name and didn’t feel sad about dropping it.

Size – I had a fairly large wedding – a little under 200. It was what we wanted, but I’ll admit that I didn’t get the chance to talk to every single person! My advice for this one is don’t let anyone (cough cough parents) pressure you into inviting more people than you’re comfortable with. It’s your day!

Best – we took dance lessons and did a choreographed first dance – with a LIFT! It was so unlike me (I am NOT a dancer) but it was so much fun and we got some stellar pictures out of it.

Regrets – I wish I had eaten more! We had a bunch of late night snacks brought in, and I didn’t get to eat any of them.

Would I change anything? I wouldn’t. It POURED rain as soon as we got under the reception tent, and even though it was covered, the grass below turned into a mud pit. We spent the evening sliding around in the mud, and our guests are still telling us how fun and memorable it was.

Dress – I loved the second one I tried on and bought it. I also went for something different from what I thought I’d go with! I agree, when they put the veil on you, it’s over!!

Honeymoon – we went to Banff and absolutely loved it. I know you guys had plans to go, and I hope you can make a trip there eventually – honeymoon or not! There are some gorgeous hotels with spas in the area, so you can definitely do a pampered version of Banff! We also went heli-hiking in the Bugaboos with CMH, which I’d highly recommend. If you do go, promise me you’ll have dinner at Eden in Banff!

Tips – The best piece of advice I received is don’t let you and your new husband get separated during the reception. It’s bound to happen with how many people want to talk to you, but stick together! My advice to you for planning: go with your gut and remember, it’s YOUR DAY! And hire a wedding planner or coordinator, so that you can focus on having fun and not stressing about the details.

This is cute! I do wear my ring all the time. I have a bezel set ring, so it feels more durable! I changed by name by swapping my middle name to my maiden name, then adding my husband’s last name. I am glad I did it. I tried on six gowns and bought the exact one I thought I would. I lovedddd wearing a veil. I went with cathedral length and the drama of it was amazing! We did a three week sailing trip with our best friends for our honeymoon! They had also recently married.

My only tip is to have the caterer prepare to-go boxes for you to take to the hotel. I didn’t eat a thing at our wedding and was starving once it was all over.

Congratulations! The start of planning a wedding is so strange, but it gets to be more comfortable. I had a 1.5 year long engagement and we loved having that time to enjoy being engaged before officially being married.

Ring – wear it all the time, never take it off! I used your ring cleaning link and it worked so well! rings are more durable than we realize 🙂

Name – changed it for the reasons you listed and I can’t imagine having a different last name than my 3yo and newborn now.

Size – medium I’d say, about 125. It felt like a great amount. We live away from most of our guests so we made a weekend of it, rehearsal dinner, wedding, and brunch at our house the next day.

Best – took sunset photos (hire a photographer you love, money well spent), ended up with great pics and it was a little time for us to escape from the big party and really let it sink in that we were married. and the brunch at our house the next day, everyone though we were crazy, but we just ordered muffins/bagels/breakfast pizzas (yep, they are a thing) and had a mimosa station, coffee, and water. It was so fun, our house isn’t big but it was full and people got to see where we live. Our guests still talk about it!

Change – I’d wear bigger earrings 🙂

Dress – maybe 6 or 7, and I also ended up in something I didn’t think would be the one, and the veil did me in too!

Honeymoon – resort in Jamaica, it took a couple days for that relaxed feeling to set in after all the commotion of the wedding.

unique – rather than a guest book, my dad built us a bench and everyone signed that. It’s currently sitting in a guest room and it’s so fun to look at!

again, Congratulations!

The Emily Post Institute always talks about “doing whatever makes you and your partner feel married!” My advice: get. the. dress. Anything that’s in pictures is what you will have to share and reminisce on!

Congratulations!!! So happy for you! I love these questions!
1. I do not wear my rings all the time. I wear them when I go out- I don’t wear them when I’m just around the house. So I haven’t worn them much since March 😂.
2. I did not change my name. I hemmed and hawed a little, but once I made the decision not to change, I knew it was the right one for me. Almost everyone else I know has changed their name.
3. We had a medium size wedding- about 100 guests.
4. Best thing we did on our wedding day is enjoyed the day and each other. We didn’t worry about the details.
5. I would not have worried as much about certain wedding traditions. Do whatever you want. I didn’t love planning a wedding so there are some things I might have gone without. I also might have scaled back and had a wedding about half the size.
6. I tried on 5 dresses and bought the first one I tried on. It was the one! I wish my search had been longer because I love clothes!
7. Honeymoon in Prince Edward Island- one of my favorite places on earth!
8. There are no hard and fast rules. Do whatever feels right for the two of you, and have a blast!

I love these questions! I just got married sept 2019.
I wear my ring almost all the time but not for dishes, shower, cleaning, working out, and recently not to the grocery store if I have to go. I’ve gotten a rubber ring and love wearing it in place of my real rings.
I changed my name and completely dropped my maiden name. Same situation that you described.
My number 1 tip is to hire a day of coordinator. Mine was amazing and made it so that we did not have one single hiccup the whole day. Or she was so good that I didn’t know about any! I did all of the planning but she was the one putting it into execution so that I didn’t have to bother family members to help.
I only tried on a couple dresses at BHLDN and fell in love with one of the 5 or so I tried on. I didn’t think too much about the dress.
We were supposed to go to Switzerland a couple weeks ago for our honeymoon but now I’m not sure when that will happen 🙁
My favorite thing I was told to keep in mind: it’s one day. Just one single day. Don’t drive yourself crazy over something that comes and goes so quick!
I hope this was helpful and good luck planning!! I am so happy for you and Mike.

I’ve been married 16 years but still love to talk about weddidngs 🙂 Such an exciting time for you!!

Do you wear your ring all the time?
Absolutely not! Neither of us wear our rings much to be honest. I have eczema on my hands and sometimes it flairs around my rings. But I do put it on for dates, occasions, etc. Mine is a family ring and I love it.

Did you change your name?
I did and kept my given middle name. We also like the idea of having the same last name as a family, especially once you have kids. My maiden name would also have been awkward as a middle name.

Did you have a small, medium, or big wedding?
I would call our wedding medium – we had 150 guests. Honestly if I had to do it again, it likely would be smaller.

What’s the best thing you did for your wedding day? Anything you regretted?
My favorite memory is actually talking to my husband by phone the morning before our ceremony. Make sure you get time to eat at your reception!! And just take time to enjoy your day! I regret stressing as much as I did.

Would you go back and change anything?
Yes. I’d do a destination wedding, likely on the beach. Our wedding was right for us at the time, but now that seems like my ideal. And stress less.

How many wedding dresses did you try on before finding “the one”?
I tried on a zillion. I was getting married at the same time as a few friends, so we went together and it was so fun. I still love my dress (although I’ve since sold it on EBay), but again would probably go for something different now. Styles change over time! Try to go as classic as you can.

What kind of honeymoon did you take?
We went to St Lucia and we LOVED it.

Did you do anything unique? Tips? Advice?! It’s impossible really but I tell every bride – stress less! It’s going to be awesome regardless of how it comes out. Don’t let wedding planning become your whole life or your whole relationship. Really enjoy the fact that you have so many people who love you in the same place – you will honestly never get that again in most cases!

Cannot wait to follow along for your wedding planning. As a December 2020 bride planning during a pandemic, let me tell you, it’s not ideal BUT it reminds you what’s important – marrying the person you love!

Do you wear your ring all the time?
I still get nervous months later! I take it off to workout/ swim/ shower and admittedly haven’t been wearing it as much recently since I am washing my hands so much more. I do feel naked without so I want to get a rubber one as a place holder when I don’t want to wear a diamond!

Did you change your name?
I will legally but likely not professionally.

Did you have a small, medium, or big wedding?
Our original plan was December 2020 with 150 people. Now we have a list of options – immediate fam, 50 people, 100 or the full group. I would say wait but we honestly have NO clue what the future of covid holds so I think it will be a while (vaccine) until you can hold a large wedding with masks and other precautions.

I’ve been to larger weddings and always feel like the bride and groom are at a networking event, impossible to see everyone/ say hi. I prefer smaller for sure. There has to be a cut off (speaking from someone who comes from a big fam with a fiance who is an only child!)

How many wedding dresses did you try on before finding “the one”?
I tried on 6 at BHLDN (#3 being the dress) and went to another store just for peace of mind but nothing compared. I then went back to BHLDN with a girlfriend (legit texted and said if anyones free, I am going regardless) and fell in love all over again and knew it was the one!

What kind of honeymoon did you take?
We’re planning FULL relaxation – Cabo! (again, likely delayed) but we always do busy trips or hit other cities and I just want to lay by the pool and enjoy!

Planned a big wedding and had to rework everything for our 6/27/20 pandemic wedding. We got almost all of our money back from the original venue and instead rented out a wonderful restaurant and had the legit best tasting menu of our lives for our 12 immediate family members (still cheaper than the big party would have been). I would not change a single thing and honestly would totally recommend it. We’re SO glad we didn’t wait and we don’t anticipate redoing the big party later. We just get to live now.
I am overjoyed that I had my “real” dress for it though. Even if you go the small wedding route, You should look like the bride you dream of being. Def get professional photos even if you go the small wedding route.

Congrats!
I got married in the dark ages (2009) and I won’t lie – I’m SO glad social media and Pinterest weren’t around yet. The pressure of trying to plan one now would be more than I could handle.

I wear my rings when I’m up and dressed, so if I’m going of my house, they are usually on. Lazy pj Saturday? Probably not. I don’t exercise in mine because my hands swell. My jeweler actually told me not to sleep in it. He’s seen too many women come in with damaged diamonds from swinging their arms around in their sleep.

I had a small wedding and don’t regret anything. We were lucky and our parents were super “do what you want” so that’s what we did. We did and planned the wedding that WE wanted. Not what we thought people would expect or felt pressured to do.

Biggest piece of advice – give a GREAT photographer and ask them to not spend the whole night/day focused on you and Mike. I have tons of pictures of just my guests, and it means so much to me because I’m able to really see my whole wedding when I look back on pictures. I often see friend’s pictures and it’s all the bride and groom, which is great, but for me, the guests made my wedding.

Enjoy!

You have so many responses already, but I’ll add my two cents!

1. I wear my engagement ring almost never, and lately during quarantine, haven’t even been wearing my wedding ring very often. But, re, the engagement ring, if you feel uncomfortable, don’t wear it! I used to have a cheap but cute “stand-in” ring that I used sometimes, but I lost it (which was the point, so I’d have something I wouldn’t be devastated to lose).

2. I did change my name, and I’ll be honest, I have conflicted feelings about it still, and sometimes worry that being defensive about my reasons behind doing it means I shouldn’t have. I do love my new name and don’t mind having lost my maiden name, but it’s such a big thing that means so much, and I’m not sure I would have made the choice if I’d known it would still bug me, almost eight years later.

3. I guess I had a medium wedding? We ended up at about 85 guests, after inviting about 110, I think. It was a good size!

4 and 5. Honestly, being on the other side of it, I would have gone MUCH smaller, or eloped. We had a lot of family drama on both sides, and while I was so incredibly happy on my wedding day, it does feel silly to have gone through so much (not to mention spent so much) on one day. But! I do also think if we’d skipped a wedding, I’d have missed that and regretted it. The grass is always greener, I suppose!

6. I only tried on about ten wedding dresses, all at a David’s Bridal, and bought one of those ten, but I’m not nearly as into style or fashion, so my wedding dress was way down on my list of wedding priorities.

7. We went to an all-inclusive in Mexico, and it was so fun and relaxing and I wouldn’t have changed it at the time… BUT, part of why we did that is because I thought it would be the only opportunity we’d ever have to do something like that (and that usually, we’d pick travel options where we’d go and see and do things), but then my brother-in-law got married at an all-inclusive in Mexico, so we went again, ha! It was a lot of fun, but if it’s something anyone considers because they think it’ll be the only time they’d do something like that, I’d try to see if you can think of any destination weddings in your future so you know for sure. If I’d known we’d do it again a few years later, we’d probably have gone to Hawaii and explored the islands.

8. Try to relax and enjoy it, and do as much as you can to keep it about you two as you can. Best of luck, and congratulations!

We got married I’m January with 12 people. Ceremony was in a judge’s chambers and then we had a private room at a restaurant. I wrote the entire ceremony and wore a gold dress. It was intimate and just what I wanted. My husband wanted a big party so we planned to do that this fall but now-who knows when! My only regret from my wedding experience is not hiring a photographer. I forgot to get an iPhone photo with my parents! Eek. Other than that, it was the perfect evening.

I so far plan on keeping my last name but I got a gmail address with my married name just in case.

I don’t wear my engagement ring in the shower, working out, sleeping. Some days I don’t put it on at all. I just don’t always think about it. But boy do I love it 🙂

Enjoy this time! No matter what you do I’m certain you’ll have no regrets. Even if I wish we had exchanged rings and had a photographer (things we planned to do in the fall), the only thing I can focus on is that we got married. We became husband and wife and our parents and closest friends witnessed it and had a great dinner and cocktails. It was a dream.

Hi! Congratulations!

Couple of responses to your questions (I got married last September):

1. I wear my wedding ring always but do not wear my engagement ring for sleeping, showering, cleaning, baking, pool/lake activities, or working out. Also would like to second those who have recommended getting it cleaned/ inspected at a jeweler at least once a year to ensure no stones are loose!

2. I did not change my last name and plan to revisit this should we have kids in the future. I feel very attached to my family name and would have been very sad to see it go.

3. We had a medium-ish wedding at 200 people. It felt pretty big to me and I think if we were to get married this September we would do something super small due to COVID and plan on a big party/cookout next year.

4. Best thing was having a videographer and quality photographer and also having a smaller wedding party. I loved having our party be people we are very very close to and was at first very self-conscious of this choice but could not have been happier with it once the actual day came. Also do a hair and makeup trial and don’t be afraid to tell them if you don’t love it!!

5. I went into the day with the mindset that I wanted us to be able to really enjoy our reception and not stress about visiting with absolutely everyone there so we did a receiving line at the church, but if I could go back I would make an even more concerted effort to be on the dance floor as much as possible!

6. I tried on a LOT of dresses before finding the one. We made appointments at about 8 different boutiques over the course of a week and then stuck to all the appointments even if there were dresses I fell in love with along the way. I am glad we did it this way because it made me feel like I was not settling and also allowed me to try different styles that I may not have otherwise (as I found each boutique tends to have its own style). I can definitely relate to feeling sick over the price tag (even for the wedding as a whole I struggled with this) but I just didn’t try on dresses above a threshold I set for myself and felt happy with my choice/ no regrets day-of.

7. We took a long, big honeymoon as we are both very fortunate to be able to take a significant amount of time off of work. We went to Italy for almost an entire month, starting south and working our way up to Venice. We then spent the last three days in Paris (flights were cheaper this way but it ended up being such a fun way to end the trip). We picked Italy as it was somewhere neither of us had been so it was special to explore together for the first time and make those memories. It was also a nice blend of relaxing and activities (we are not people who can sit on a beach for weeks on end) as we started south on the beaches so we had some time to relax after traveling and the wedding and then sort of gradually worked our way into more activities. We loved Italy and while it is definitely not possible right now, I would highly recommend in the future!

Hopefully these help in some way and wishing you both all the best- enjoy all of the planning as much as you can!!

Do you wear your ring all the time?
I do typically, although less lately since I am just home not really getting “dressed.” Funny story though, when I first got it there were so many times I forgot to put it on. I used to get to the end of the driveway and turn around and go back for it in the morning. I used to look down all the time because I was so worried about it, and while I still admire it, it’s just kind of part of me now and I’m not as worried.

Did you change your name?
Yep! I was so excited to change my name. Although I’ll be honest changing it is a real pain! At least in my experience.

Did you have a small, medium, or big wedding?
I’d say medium. We invited about 70 people and had about 60 something I believe. We knew going into it that would be the case; I have a fairly small family, and while my husband’s is large a lot of them are out of state, and we got married on a Friday to keep costs down at our venue, so it just wasn’t feasible for some people to come. But we are so grateful for those that did! I actually loved it, because it wasn’t overwhelming getting to talk to everyone but still have fun.

What’s the best thing you did for your wedding day?
I think our timeline worked out really great. We did everything at our venue which was convenient. We did our first look and photos (excluding family groups) before the ceremony, and I loved it. It took a lot of pressure off, and was a lot of fun. Also, just doing what we wanted and not worrying about what people thought lol. We got married on a Friday in October at a Vineyard. It definitely wasn’t “traditional” but honestly, I think everyone was surprised how much they loved it.

Would you go back and change anything?
Just my stress level ahead of time!

How many wedding dresses did you try on before finding “the one”?
Not that many. We went to one place, and I ordered it that day. I was pretty decisive.

What kind of honeymoon did you take?
I loved how we did this! We got married over a long weekend in October. I am a teacher, so it’s frowned upon to just jet off on your honeymoon during school haha. Also, we needed to save money! We actually didn’t even plan it until a few months before. We ended up going to San Francisco/Napa Valley/Bay Area last summer. It was wonderful exploring places neither of us had been to.

Did you do anything unique? Tips?
Well, like I mentioned I think our day and venue were unique. My tip is do what YOU want and don’t worry about what other people think. It is your wedding, and at the end of the day it is what you and Mike want. Have fun!! I didn’t really feel stressed until the week of tbh, but we had over a year to plan which helped a lot. Take your time, and just have fun! It is really just one day, and although it is a wonderful one, your relationship is what matters 🙂

My best advice is to pick what is most important to you and apply it everywhere. For my wedding my two main thoughts were budget (under $2000) and best, favorite, necessary (from author Emily Ley). Using that made it easier to pick a dress, venue, narrow down the wedding party and guest list (under 40 people) and figure out pretty much any wedding concern.
The other advice I’d give is to prepare for anything you can and be prepared for things to not go to plan. My husband ended up having a spinal tumor that affected his walking so we had to readjust a ton of things right before the wedding.

I’ve got answers! I got engaged in 2015 and married in 2016.
I did, and do, wear my ring all the time, except to work out, clean house, shower, and sleep. It’s super weird! But I really love it. I’ve been wearing it less recently because we had a baby in November and I don’t want to scratch him, and I hate not wearing it. I get it and my wedding band cleaned and assessed every year around our anniversary so I don’t forget.
I did change my name, but it sounds like I was more attached to my maiden name than you are, so it was very difficult for me. My maiden name is a Cajun name that is dying out in my grandfather’s line because he only had two sons and only one procreated and had only girls (my dad). I grew up in Georgia and was sort of famous for my weird name. However, my very good friend said there was nothing more intimate than someone giving you their name, and I agreed with that, and also felt very strongly that I wanted our family to have the same name. So, I dropped my given middle name, adopted my maiden name as my middle name, and took my husband’s name. (From Kelli Marie Richard to Kelli Richard Creech. Richard is pronounced “ree-shard,” ha.)
We had a medium wedding! About 150 guests. We got married in our church and had a reception about 10 minutes away. I thought it was the perfect size. Too many more and I would have been overwhelmed. Fewer and I wouldn’t have been able to hide in the crowd as easily.
Best thing – designing the wedding around my husband and I as a couple. Regretted – bridesmaid dress colors. They were a light gray, and I initially wanted a peachy pink, but should have just done navy.
Tbh I would change my bridal party, some of those relationships weren’t what I thought they were, and I would also have the girls stay at a local B&B and get ready there. That would have been so much more relaxing than going to a salon and changing at the reception site.
I tried on approximately 20 dresses before finding mine. It really was magical in that my mom and I had visited the shop that morning and my dress wasn’t out yet for trying on, but I went that afternoon with a couple of bridesmaids after they tried on their dresses and my friend Amy pulled my dress. I had only stepped into the dress – not yet pulled the top part up to my shoulders – and I knew I’d be married in it. However not everyone has that experience! And I think you should arrive to be okay with whatever experience *you* have. Also in terms of cost, decide what budget you’re okay with and don’t even look at dresses that are out of that budget. Mine was $1000 and what a steeeeeep cost per wear! But remember that it could become an heirloom if y’all have children, and it will be something you feel really special about having. I immediately preserved mine and am so happy I have it.
We went on a 10-day trip to St. Martin. I do want to see Europe, etc, but I didn’t want to feel obligated to do anything that wasn’t relaxing – it would have been my first time traveling across the Pond. Knowing myself I would have wanted to go go go and only relax a bit on a trip like that, but after the stress of planning a wedding and all the life that happened during that time (I was fired from my first job and we had to put a family dog down), I needed to relax. So we stayed at a boutique hotel on the beach with a ton of restaurants within walking distance, did a few adventurous excursions to other islands and snorkeling, and most importantly, spent a lot of time in the sister hotel’s pool at the swim-up bar. Also had massages and facials during the week at the hotel spa.
The best advice I have is to take an intentional break from planning. Schedule it into your calendar. We got engaged in June and married on April 2, so I didn’t do any major planning, shopping, or organizing the month of December so I could relax and enjoy the holidays and my birthday. (I think I had to do my addresses for my calligrapher or something, but they were very small tasks.) When we woke up on the new year, it was all systems go, and I am really glad I did that, as we still had 3 months to get everything else worked out and that was plenty of time. Also, do exactly what makes you and Mike happy. You’ll get so much advice and you don’t have to take a word of it!
A note on horror stories: something will go wrong, and if you anticipate that it will not be 100% perfect as planned (as we’re all humans and the people who do weddings are also human), it will be a lot easier to accept the thing(s) that go wrong. Also it’s okay to cry over anything and everything.
I’m so, so excited for you Carly! You deserve all this joy, even though it comes with a lot of stress. It is only one day, but it is a day that carries a lot of meaning, and I know you will set it up that way. Xoxo

I just had a small wedding in May that was changed to just our immediate families. We got married on top of a mountain (stunning pictures) and had a dinner celebration in a big Airbnb house in town. It was so nice and chill to have everyone relaxed and not running around stressed the whole day. Everyone said how nice it was to be in a low stress wedding that was focused just on family.

Our big reception will be close to our one year anniversary. I’m SO glad it happened this way so we can really enjoy the party and not be trying to take in every moment, look perfect, please everyone, etc.

Other tips:
Consider getting a cake from a local bakery instead of an overpriced ‘wedding cake shop’. Host small events the weekend of the wedding for friends, or family that extend the celebrations. Enlist family help for small things. I got my SIL in charge of cocktails for pre-wedding dinner, my sister in charge of appetizers and a special cocktail for the wedding dinner, etc. It helps to get small details off your plate.

Pro tip – to change your name with social security just mail your marriage register, application and a health insurance card to your local office. I got my new card in less than 2 weeks and didn’t have to leave the house!

I keep my ring on all the time except now that I am pregnant (and it’s hot) – when I was in the 8th grade, we got robbed and that was the one day my mother took her ring off. The sight of her broken down in the dining chair is one I would never forget. I had a “small” (150 people) Big Fat Greek Wedding, complete with my husband converting (no kiddie pool)! My life is like that movie, sans 27 first cousins (but a lot of Greek kids on my block in NYC growing up that ALL came to the wedding).

As for my dress, I researched for AGES on The Knot to narrow down what I was looking for and found a few dresses and a brand I liked, found where they were in NYC, and just went with my mom (and my gut). I was done in 20 minutes.

We postponed our honeymoon to Italy since I am a teacher till the summer (we got married in October) – we were making very little at our jobs so it was quite basic, so would LOVE to do a more luxurious second honeymoon when we can! I’ve never been to Italy at the time and my husband (who is Filipino) had never been to Europe so that’s where we went because it was affordable.

I never had a middle name growing up (Greek kids have informal patronymic names because everyone has the same first name practically!) so when I got married, I made my maiden name my middle and took my husband’s. My sister who is likely to be engaged ANYDAYNOW is planning on keeping her maiden name when she gets married – her boyfriend is Greek (from Greece and immigrated here) and in Greece its custom to not take the husbands name (and she is also doing her PhD so she is keeping it professionally as well).

So it really comes down to what I think you want for yourself, and if there are any traditions/customs you want to keep or even modify a bit (don’t get me started on baby names and how they do that in Greece, ha!).

@cablesandcrewnecks

I loved my dress! I saw a small corner of it sticking out behind a bunch of others during the sit down portion of my consultation and I knew that was it. I literally saw maybe a foot of the bottom of the skirt. I wanted lace and I could see 3 different types of lace in stripes down the skirt. The consultant wasn’t as convinced as I was but that’s the dress I bought that day after trying on 3. When I put it on, I was even more in love. My mom looked at me and said, that’s all you!
I did, and do wear my ring(s) all the time. I was so happy to be engaged to the love of my life.
I kept the Southern tradition of dropping my middle name and putting my maiden name there. It’s what every woman in my family has always done.
we ended up with a small wedding. We aren’t big flashy people, so it’s really up to what feels right for you and Mike. Being the center of attention makes me nervous so we just had family and really close friends.
The best thing we did on our wedding day was to call each other before the ceremony and say we loved each other AND to just roll with whatever happened. We had a lot of rain and we just went with it. I refused to stress over anything on THE day.
Our wedding was beautiful and looking back, I wish we had a videographer. I nixed it in favor of saving some money but I wish we had it.
We took a stress-less honeymoon. No plane, boat, or anything else to catch. And no itinerary. We spent our wedding night on the property of our reception and left the next morning for the NC mountains. No cell service, plenty of down time, car rides, dinner at our cabin, and a few day trips. It was blissful.
We rang the bell in the church we got married in. It was customary to ring them back in the day and our church was built in 1910 so we rang it on our way out! Use whatever space you get married in to dictate anything unique you want to do. But our wedding was SO simple and not trendy or fussy or anything and everyone LOVED it. Almost 2 years later and we’re still getting comments on how much everyone enjoyed it.
The biggest thing is to make sure the wedding represents you and Mike joining together. It should reflect your personalities, not trends 🙂

I never wear my ring, haha, especially now that we’re in quarantine and hardly leave the house. When I was going into an office every day, I wore it and would wear it out shopping, to dinner, etc. (or sometimes my silicone ring if I didn’t feel like wearing my real set – highly recommend for working out, skiing, you get it). I’m already not a big jewelry person so I just feel like my rings get annoying after a while. As soon as I get home, they come off and go in a dish on the bathroom counter.

I did change my name. I would have loved to keep my maiden name, but my husband felt strongly about it and I didn’t have any issues with that. My name is unusual in that I have two first names (Jordan Leigh) so I didn’t really feel like I was “losing” any of my name, although my maiden middle name is my mom’s maiden name, so I did feel a little guilty dropping it, but five names is too many! Long story short, I dropped my maiden middle name and made my maiden last name my middle name.

I had a medium wedding for the market that I lived in the time. We invited around 200 people and had roughly 120-130.

The best thing is that we get to relive it – Hire a videographer if you have an inkling you’d like one! Some people know they won’t get any value from it, but for us, it was definitely worth it. We also are so so glad we wrote our own vows. Again, not for everyone, but perfect for us. Only regret is that it was 100 degrees and we did not purchase nearly enough white wine or champagne, haha.

I do think about things I’d do differently. I had never been to a wedding where they played “pop” music (acoustics or whatever) for the ceremony and walking down the aisle, but now that feels much more us than the classical instrumentals we played.

I tried on probably 5-8 dresses at each store and went to three stores, so the dress I chose was probably the 15th or so.

We went to Kauai for seven days and nights. We wanted to go somewhere farther away or in the Caribbean, but September is hurricane season literally everywhere and we weren’t able to take weeks and weeks off from work, so Kauai it was. It was amazing!!

Tips and advice: Everyone will say this, but do not stress about your wedding. Things will go wrong but most things will go right, and if you hire a day coordinator (MUST MUST MUST) and he/she does his/her job, you won’t even know what went wrong. At the end of your day, you and Mike will MARRIED and that’s all that matters. So happy for you!

Hi Carly congratulations on your engagement!
I wear my ring all the time and try to stop in the jewelry store my ring is from to get it cleaned once a month! It was a transition for me because I was not used to wearing any rings at all, but you get used to it! Yes, I changed my last name.
As for gowns, I tried on only about 4 before deciding and went with one from Pronovias! We were married last fall in NJ at a tennis club, honeymooned in Hawaii, which I know may not be possible in this climate but just being away after the event was a joy in itself!

I also have to gush about my vendors because they were all beyond and they were my favorite additions! I lived in Hoboken at the time and the small business wedding industry there is unmatched! They all work well together if needed and are a sweet group that is great to work with! Write Pretty For Me with my mirror seating chart and our wedding song Calligraphy on a vinyl record was unbelievable! My day-of planner was a MUST – I did the planning myself but she was a God-send the day of so I didn’t have to worry! Love, Amarie made me a custom-painted champagne bottle for my wedding day with our monogram and an heirloom purse to go with my gown! Marlie Renee Designs for our beautiful, classic invites and Mile Square Moments was our photographer -who is one of the best out there. I was more than pleased with how everything turned out!

We had a small, 60 person guest list. We went to Las Vegas & got married at the Mob Museum. Originally booked the Neon Sign Museum until we got bounced (via email) because Tim Burton demanded the whole museum for his exhibition. We had to scramble for a new venue & call all of our people.

Best thing we did was book a vacation the week before the wedding, so we transitioned from vacation to wedding weekend. It was relaxing & I felt like I was in control of the details since we were in town the whole week before.

Regrets: not meeting the photographer beforehand, only phone calls. Her energy was frantic & chaotic, the photos felt rushed & unrelaxed. Wish we would have chosen someone else.

I didn’t like how my makeup turned out, again, I had booked online & had not met or had a trial run. I looked overdone & not myself.

I did one day of wedding dress shopping with my mother-in-law & a friend (my mom has passed away). It was stressful & I wasn’t really finding anything. The sizes were all tiny so nothing fit, which felt awful. Finally found a dress at a local boutique at the end of the day. Looking back I feel like I made a rushed decision. Wishing I had chosen a dress with sleeves…my motivation for working out & losing weight before the wedding fell flat. Do your research on dress tailors, the first one I tried didn’t keep the deadline & her staff couldn’t find my dress in her shop. Read reviews and take the recommendation from the shop you buy your dress from – but make room in your timeline for your dress alterations & any snafu with having to find a second tailor. Budget for this.

Advice: a lot of people are not going to RSVP in time, you will likely have to call/email/text to get a final decision. Some people will not come, for their own reasons. You will have to let all that go – the wedding is about you two getting married, no matter who is there. Take time to think through the favors and all the extra wedding trinkets – you probably won’t need them. I shlepped a suitcase full of paper decorations, little signs and favors to Vegas that no one took or even noticed,(waste of money). Make a Pinterest board of the final details you want for your wedding, that’s helpful to see it visually. Less is more. Do not freak out if your venue cancels on you, there will be another venue…don’t get too attached to any detail/place/vendor. Keep in touch with the venue coordinator, photographer, etc. My reception coordinator quit the job two months before our date & no one alerted me, it’s up to you to keep in touch with the “professionals”. Find shoes that will not kill you, you’ll be wearing them allllllll day.

I wear my engagement ring daily. I’ve had it repaired for a missing small stone and bend around the halo. When I told the jeweler that I probably wear it more often than I should he replied with, “What’s the fun in taking it off!?” (Which I totally agree with). I also have a Qalo ring for hiking, swimming, biking, etc. which is great for our lake house!

We just got engaged in January and I was wearing my ring every single day for months. I was obsessed with staring at it. 😂 once the lockdown started my fiancé noticed I was getting excessive with cleaning my ring (not a healthy habit I admit lol). It’s an emerald cut so I feel like it’s easier to see any dirt under the diamond. I’ve been trying to wear it less in the last 3 months. Now when I have a video call or want to dress up for no reason I put it on. I admire it much more now that I started wearing it less!

As for wedding size, we were planning a small-medium one from the beginning (we both have small families) and I was visiting some venues in March. Then the pandemic hit NYC and I had to put a full stop on any planning. We’ve been starting to plan again recently. I have to say seeing so many of my friends loose jobs or get furloughed made me rethink our budget a lot. We’re talking about forgoing the traditional venue setting for a pretty local restaurant that can seat just our families and closest friends as well as host the ceremony. It’s so wonderful being engaged and thinking about the future together as partners, even in uncertain times. Enjoy it!!

Do you wear your ring all the time?
Yes! Always, except when I’m working out, but even then I use my RingHero wristband and wear it on my wrist and put it back on as soon as I’m done. I feel it’s safest to always have it on me. Also if you don’t already have it you need ring insurance immediately! You can get a rider on your homeowners insurance or go through a Jewellery specific insurer (what I recommend because they will help you replace it more easily and let you stay with your original jeweler or one of your choice.) I have Jewelers Mutual.

Did you change your name?
Yes, but I kept my maiden name as my middle name and I’m really glad I did. Laura Katherine Kraisinger was my full name previously, and I loooved it and my initials. The reason I like being Laura Kraisinger Shih is in any instance where I want to be recognized by someone who knew me prior to my marriage (like on LinkedIn or social for example) I can list my full name and be discoverable by both.

Did you have a small, medium, or big wedding?
Medium, we invited around 165 and had around 150 attend. It felt like just the right size to us, but it really did take some major editing to get down to that size.

What’s the best thing you did for your wedding day? Anything you regretted?
Splurged on our photographer, Kate Headley! I knew the most memories, and those that last the longest, would come in forms of photographs and having such high quality photography really made such an impact. Her photos are true heirlooms and I am so glad we decided to invest in photography.

Would you go back and change anything?
NO! It wasn’t perfect, there was a big storm RIGHT after our ceremony so we had to nix the waterfront cocktail hour of my dreams and rush everyone into our reception tent, but it was so memorable I don’t regret the decision to have it outdoors at all. Just make sure you have a game plan for rain!! Always have a backup.

How many wedding dresses did you try on before finding “the one”?
I went to two shops and tried on 5 at each. I went with the first dress I tried on at the second shop because I just fell in love, loved how I felt in it, and it was the right price. At the end of the day I didn’t feel the need to splurge on the dress, and I’m glad I didn’t because I completely destroyed it frolicking in a field of daisies for some pictures which I LOVE, and if I had gone with a more expensive dress I don’t think I would have wanted to risk it. But those are some of my favorite pictures from the day!

What kind of honeymoon did you take?
We did a series of honeymoons. We started off with a “mini-moon” at our family beach house for the week following the wedding just to decompress locally. My parents also graciously took our entire family to Santorini (a family favorite destination) for a week. We wrapped up with our real honeymoon in the Maldives in December (the good weather season there) so we extended our celebrations throughout the entire year!

Did you do anything unique? Tips? Advice?! Something I’m not thinking about but should be?!?!
Focus on what matters to YOU! So many people will have so many opinions about how you should plan your wedding, but you can totally ignore them (yes, even your mom!) Also I would say to keep your guests experience in mind when you go through the details, small thoughtful touches can go a long way like fans on chairs if you are having a ceremony in the sun, a thoughtful welcome bag, tampons in the restrooms for ladies, etc. Your guests will appreciate you thinking of them on your big day! Also, try to add personal touches so it doesn’t feel like a cookie cutter instagram wedding, use your creativity so it really feels like a celebration of your love!

1. I hated wearing my ring at first only because it was uncomfortable! I asked some friends that have been married for years and they told me I’d get used to it. And I did! I never take it off whether I’m at the beach, doing the dishes etc. It’s much safer on my hand! Although I will say it was a tiny bit too big which contributed to the uncomfortability. Once I sized it correctly it stopped spinning all the time.
3. I planned for a larger wedding and as a COVID-19 bride ended up with a small one right around 50 people. Every second was absolutely perfect. Some still weren’t able to make it like my grandparents, but it didn’t deter me from having a great time with the friends and family that could make it. I also got to spend way more time with those that came than I would have if I continued with my big wedding. It was intimate, it was beyond fun and I’d do it all over again just the way it was.
4. The best thing I did on my wedding day was hire a coordinator! It’s not worth the stress on the day of putting things into place even if you are organized. I’m actually an event coordinator and still hired someone else so I could just enjoy being with my husband and my family instead of worrying about where to put the flowers.
5. The thing I would change would be putting a timeline on our programs! I thought it was cute and considerate to our guests so they knew how the night was laid out but we didn’t end up sticking to it which didn’t bother me on the day of because I was having a great time! I just wish my guests didn’t know that we weren’t on schedule. I’d also make sure to have all of your picture preferences written down. For example I wrote my cousins and I did get a picture with them but I wish I got individuals with each cousin as well. Even though I’d go back and do those two things differently, once I’ve given it more thought I wouldn’t change a thing because it really was perfect.
7. We went on a honeymoon to Charleston. We thought it would be a perfect little getaway even though we couldn’t go through with our original travel plans due to Covid-19. Nothing was really open, but it was nice to just leave our responsibilities at home and enjoy a few nights just us eating takeout and wandering the streets of a beautiful city. It wasn’t your typical honeymoon but we made the most of it.
8. I had the most trouble during wedding planning because I planned a wedding that I’ve seen over and over again and realized when I had to change plans that I didn’t even really like my original plans. When I replanned to accommodate social distancing etc. I realized a smaller wedding where I could spend intimate time with everyone eating and laughing was much more my style! But it’s hard to not plan what everyone else had. Just keep in mind it’s your day and only you know what’s the most comfortable for you. I’m so happy for you and Mike!! I’ve been a follower since I was in middle school and just graduated with my masters. It’s been amazing following your journey!

Great questions, Carly!

Rings: I don’t wear mine all the time either, especially when working out/weight lifting and sleeping. Make sure you insure them (you can add them onto your homeowners insurance) and have a safe spot to keep them at night and when you travel (be careful when washing dishes too!). Buy a band that you like how it looks alone, you may just want to wear that when on vacation, etc.

Name change: It’s a pain in the butt but I think worth it, especially for kids down the line. You can choose the environments where you want to change or where it may not make sense to change, like personal vs. work. There are no rules! Honeymoon: we went to Paris and did many of the things you and Mike did on your recent trip, we needed a balance between relaxation and history, it doesn’t need to be the typical all-inclusive layout on the beach trip. My dream would have been island hopping throughout Greece, but time and money did not allow for that. I do regret not splurging more on some fancy dinners but we didn’t have a set plan for the trip, which was fine.

Wedding size: ours was medium sized but it still didn’t feel like we had enough time to visit with everyone who came to celebrate with us. We had a welcome party two nights before the wedding which was a great way to connect with out of town guests. From the actual day I wish we would have invested in a day-of planner that would have moved everything alone and taken care of the little details more. We had to solve a few things last minute (with the help of a well-intended albeit aaggressive family member) and I wish a professional could have just taken care of all of that. Also, if you do a ceremony, then reception immediacy following, don’t forget to eat! We didn’t make enough time for that and spent dinner making the rounds around the room to see everyone and thank them for coming…that was a mistake!

Dress shopping: I went alone first, which everyone thought I was crazy, but glad I did. It helped me narrow down the choices and get our any nerves I had. Then brought friends to help decide. Don’t be afraid to take a “risk” with the final one, I almost settled for something more basic and am sooo glad I didn’t and went for a little more glamour! Also, sounds silly but shop for the right undergarments well I’m advance and bring them to your fittings! My bra/corset was doing funky things the day of our wedding but I just didn’t fit right, even though it was sold at the same place as the dress. Splurge in the name of comfort!

Do you wear your ring all the time?

I do not currently wear my rings because they are a germ trap with covid. But in normal circumstances I go back and forth between wearing both my rings and wearing just my wedding band. I like doing just the wedding band because it feels low key and more “me”. Once you have a wedding band, maybe you’ll feel that’s the happy medium too!

Did you change your name?

Yes, but not at first. I kept my maiden name for a couple years but ultimately ended up legally taking my husbands last name. Now that we have a little one, I can’t imagine our names being different. I say if you plan on having a family one day- don’t second guess it- just change it and you’ll be glad you did.

Did you have a small, medium, or big wedding?

Our wedding was 50 people. I think there is no right or wrong answer here, but I suggest you make 3 guest lists to help you decide. One list is your tiniest, most intimate wedding, the second list is small but includes close friends etc., and your third list is everyone you could ever imagine. Stew on these lists and imagine your wedding day. You’ll find clarity 🙂

What’s the best thing you did for your wedding day? Anything you regretted?

Exchanged sentimental gift/letters with my fiancé while we got ready. His letter really helped me focus on the meaning of the day and I cried like a baby lol

Would you go back and change anything?

I’d do a “first look”. I felt weird seeing my husband to be for the first time that day while I was literally walking down the isle.

How many wedding dresses did you try on before finding “the one”?

Probably 20. My advice here is don’t skimp on the dress of your dreams just because you only wear it once. Your grand babies will be looking at these pictures! The one caveat- don’t go into credit card debt for a dress, not that you would necessarily, but I’ve seen that happen.

What kind of honeymoon did you take?

We didn’t really take a honeymoon because we got married young and couldn’t afford it at the time. We’ve since made up for that 🙂 If I could do it over, I’d do something luxurious, romantic, indulgent and really go all out and soak in private time together. God willing you’ll have plenty of chances for sightseeing and “adventurous” type trips- the honeymoon is your one chance to slow down and soak up the love.

Did you do anything unique? Tips? Advice?! Something I’m not thinking about but should be?!?!

My biggest advice would be to enjoy the planning but don’t let it overshadow the reason you’re marrying the man of your dreams ❤️ Best wishes to you! Feel free to email me if you have any more questions- I used to be a wedding planner but now I’m stay at home mama and love chatting everything wedding related 🙂

My husband and I got married in October 2019 and we both agree that the best thing we did on our wedding day was schedule a little alone time after the ceremony. While our guests were at cocktail hour we spent the first 30 minutes doing family photos. The second 30 minutes of cocktail hour we spent having hors d’oeuvres and champagne in the private room where my bridesmaids and I got ready. It was a moment to be excited together that we were officially married. It was also a good time for us to relax because it’s the best day but it’s a long day surrounded by so many people (we had 150 guests). We loved having a few minutes of calm alone time to eat a little, recharge, and celebrate just the two of us. If you can fit something similar into your timeline, we highly recommend it.

Good luck wedding planning!

♥️

Re: rings

My engagement ring was quite large (it’s an aquamarine and I adore it) and I knew I wouldn’t want to wear it all the time once we had kids so I chose 2 small diamond bands as my wedding bands (I liked the look of two together) and now that we have an 8 month old I wear them every day and only wear my engagement ring for special occasions (few and far between lately although I do wear it for our weekly date nights at home!). I didn’t love wearing rings before I got engaged but then my ring became a symbol of our commitment and it was really important for me to wear it. A few weeks in you’ll forget it’s even there!

Just got engaged last Tuesday so I’m LOVING all of this content. So happy for you and so excited to dive into the comments. 🥰

SO excited for y’all! We were supposed to be getting married June 20 and now it’s July 25th of this year. We are both starting law school in August, so we could only postpone it so much. We originally planned for a big wedding as we both have a lot of people we would want there (we’re in the South so it just comes with the culture of knowing everybody). We’re now going to have to limit our reception to family and the wedding party, but we can still have people masked at the ceremony and distanced. I wear my ring all the time except when I shower or swim. At first I didn’t wear it while I slept, but I was worried about something happening to it in the night, so I’d rather have it on me. One of my favorite things we’ve done is get a custom wedding crest designed! I know lots of people have done this, but it’s truly something I will always cherish! We’ve incorporated it in little ways throughout the day—our invitation suites, our can coolers, and I embroidered it on a table runner to use on our cake table. I also got a custom venue illustration done (because I absolutely love our venue) and that’ll be our guest book that people will sign. I only had to try on two dresses before I found the one, but I definitely knew what I wanted.

Ring: you will not wear it around the house. Doing dishes 3x a day, everyday cleaning, exercising, etc. is not helpful to wear. I’ve had mine for 10 years and only wear it out of the house.

Maiden Name: if you keep Abigail and completely lose your middle name, you will no longer have a legal id to prove what your maiden name used to be. I kept my real middle name, completely left out my maiden name and trying to prove to different institutions (bank, insurance, etc.) has been a nightmare because I don’t have a government issued document proving what my maiden name used to be. I regret not keeping my maiden name. You will never have a future situation where you’ll need to use Abigail ever again.

For our honeymoon we were supposed to go to Anguilla but last minute had to regroup and ended up going to Palm Springs, CA and LOVED IT! My advice to all couples (friends and clients) is that even if it’s a staycation (which COVID may dictate), you’ll want to be in the just married bubble for at least 5 days, regardless of where you are. Create that space to relax and bask in the newlywed glow and it won’t matter where you are!

I wear my engagement ring pretty liberally and encourage others to do the same. Much of the advice for taking it off more often is for rings with pave on the halo or band as that is much for delicate say with lifting weights vs a metal band. No matter what, don’t do anything without insurance and get the prongs checked annually!

Things that I’d recommend are:
1) Have a wedding day coordinator. They will make everything go so much more smoothly and handle all of the business-y stuff so that you & Mike can enjoy your day. Also, an experienced coordinator is wonderful at seeing little things that need to be taken care of and making it happen.

2) Re-Confirm all of the details with your vendors 1.5-2 months before the wedding. I am so glad that I did as I discovered that 2 of my vendors had no record of the order/appointments (wedding favors and my hair stylist). Since I re-confirmed with plenty of time, things were resolved easily.

3) I decided ahead of time that no matter what happened on the big day, if my fiance and I were married by the end of the night, I would be thrilled. So the little things that didn’t turn out exactly as I imagined them were really nothing to me and I was able to enjoy the moment.

I think that you & Mike seem to have the right attitude about the day, that it is a joyous celebration of the start of an amazing journey together. I’m excited to see your plans!

Carly

Rings

My husband and I aren’t big jewelry wearers, and we hardly ever wear our rings. I always feel naked without my earrings, which many people say about wedding bands, but it has never felt super comfortable.

Last Name

So this is probably our favorite story. My husband went through the foster care system from nearly 2-18, when he “aged out.” When we were engaged we discussed me keeping my name. We both realized that he’s joining our family, so it would be more appropriate for him to take my name. He asked my grandfather who said yes, of course.

Wedding size

Our plan was to elope, but that didn’t go over well with my immediate family. Our wedding was 10 people, including officiant.

Wedding day regrets

It’s not a regret, by any means, but a bit of sadness. My grandmother was severely ill, and we had to change our wedding location about two days before the ceremony. The hospital allowed limited range, and we jumped on the change immediately so she could be in attendance.

Change anything

My shoes. I wore comfy shoes for all other fancy occasions in my lifetime, and they were all cute options. I don’t know what I was thinking. Ouch! I can still feel the blisters.

Dresses
My original dress was my dream dress. I knew what I wanted, and I bought it. The company I went through went bankrupt. Lost the dress. Two weeks before the wedding I was in a pickle. Thank goodness I had another affordable dress shop nearby. Honestly, I’m a million times happier with what I ended up with. It’s so beautiful. And I love not knowing the make, model, any of that. It was just… my dress.

Honeymoon
Every time we travel, we joke that we’ve never been on one, whether it’s 50 miles from where we live or 2,000.

Unique
Nothing super unique, but I’m super proud of how gracious our venue and family were for last minute emergency changes to accommodate my family.

Wow, SO many comments! Would love a follow up takeaways post with the suggestions you resonate most with!

Congratulations!! A couple thoughts/reflections:

We (sort of) adopted the Jewish tradition of the Yichud room: right after the ceremony, my husband and I went inside for a few minutes, just the two of us. This was SUCH a lovely time to just absorb what just happened together, and to spend our first moments as a married couple in private. We had a glass of champagne, and there were a few hors d’oeuvres waiting for us. We’re both a bit introverted so taking a breather before the chaos of the reception was soooo necessary!

Depending on where you get married, you might have to shut everything down by 10:30 or so (noise ordinances, venue rules, etc). We told all our friends to meet at our hotel’s bar for a casual after-party, which was a BLAST. It was fun to wear my wedding dress for a few more hours and to be with our friends from all eras of life for a more intimate gathering! I also got to eat a huge delicious burger after being too busy / stimulated to eat much at the wedding itself!

Even if you don’t take a honeymoon right away, take at LEAST a few days of work off after the wedding. You’ll need them to recover and just to soak up the memories before having to mentally dive into reality again.

I am so excited for you and Mike! I wore my ring everyday from the day we got engaged until just a few months ago when my fingers started to swell from pregnancy. I miss wearing my rings though!

I did change my name. I dropped my maiden name and did my first, middle, and took my husband’s last name. It was a bit of a hassle but I love that my husband and I (and now our little one on the way) all share the same name and are one cohesive unit.

We had a “small” wedding. It was our closest friends (less than 12 friends total) and our families. It ended being around 150 people because we both have larger families. It’s definitely a larger guest list but it felt small because it was just family and our closest friends.

The best thing we did on our wedding day was not hyper-focusing on all of the small details. I got ready at my parents’ house, my husband got ready with his brothers. Our focus on the day was on our wedding ceremony and just catching up with family who flew in from all over. It wasn’t a stressful affair and made the day even more enjoyable. I regret not sending my photographer a specific shot list. I didn’t get a photo of me and my parents by ourselves! We rushed through photos and forgot one of the more important shots.

I tried on maybe 10 dresses, and fell in love with one that was completely not what I thought I wanted. It was more than I originally thought I would spend but my husband and I decided my gown would get repurposed as christening gown for our children!

We did 5 days on Kauai for our honeymoon. We didn’t have a ton of time off from work but wanted to go somewhere neither of us had been and relax for a bit because we had each been working 65+ hour work weeks leading up to the wedding. The flight was cheap through Costco because we are in California. Highly recommend Costco’s travel deals if you are a member!

My best piece of advice is to always remember it is You+Mike versus everything else. We constantly would remind ourselves when the stress started to get out of control that what was most important is that we were getting married and the details, we wouldn’t really remember years later.

Happy Planning!

I am currently engaged (our date is November 14 of this year – we will see if it happens!!). I can totally relate to the ring question! I am SUPER careful with my ring. I take it off immediately when I get home, and I like to take it off when I wash/sanitize my hands as well. I never wear it while sleeping, unless in a hotel where it could get stolen. My ring stays so much cleaner and safer. The way our jeweler phrased it is, think of your ring like a really expensive fancy watch. Would you wear that watch in the shower? The pool? While cleaning the bathroom? Probably not. Then again, I know plenty of people who never take their ring off. Do whatever makes you feel most comfortable, but I totally understand the caution! Planning a wedding in a pandemic is a total rollercoaster, this is not how I imagined the months leading up to our big day being. Trying to remember that the marriage is what is important, not so much the wedding day. Also, with wedding dresses: it feels like the biggest deal, and it is a big deal! BUT once you’ve picked your dress, I can almost guarantee you won’t think about it again. I was so petrified I would regret my decision and see other dresses I like, as I can be sort of indecisive about clothing, but that has not been the case. I cried when I put my dress on, too. Emotion is a really good sign. If you can imagine yourself walking down the aisle in that dress, it’s the one. And once you’ve picked it, you really don’t think about it again. Everything about planning a wedding feels like a really big, all-consuming deal, and it is a big deal, but it’s important to remember it’s just one day. A special day, but just one day in the rest of your lifetime together. You’ve got this!

Alright, here’s a long one. First of all CONGRATULATIONS!! This is such an exciting time for you! Enjoy it!

I do wear my ring all the time, but have taken it off more recently because of all the handwashing with COVID it was getting dry under there. Lately I’ve been wearing my rings just when we go out, but when COVID is over I’ll go back to wearing it all the time (I only used to take it off to go in the Ocean).
I did change my last name, but just because I liked the uniqueness of my husband’s last name (my maiden was very common, but my married last name is super rare).
I had I guess a medium/small wedding. With us included we had exactly 100 people in attendance. We invited around 150-175 and our Wedding was on New Year’s Day. Those that showed up came to celebrate New Year’s Eve with us too so it ended up being a huge party weekend. It felt intimate, but we still had all the people we really wanted there there. I come from a massive Italian family so we definitely didn’t invite certain family, really just immediate and whomever I am closest to was invited.
In preparation for the Wedding we did a lot of crafting. My Mom and I hand flocked and glittered pine cones to use as escort card holders. Because we got married on NYD the venue was completely decorated still for the holidays so we didn’t have to do much to decorate and we DIYed everything we wanted to add to the space. Lean on family and friends with skills to help out. My brother made our welcome bag itineraries and my grandma handmade our favors. She handmade paper boxes and then made s’mores packs to go in them (she made the marshmallows and graham crackers!!). My husband and I did all our wedding stationery for the day of ourselves. I got all printable files from Etsy (escort cards, programs, menus, etc). We spent two days before the Wedding printing it out and I totally regret waiting until the last minute to print everything because the printer died in the middle of it and we had to rush out last minute and buy a new one to finish everything up.
Make sure you have a detailed list of everyone you want pictures with. In the hecticness of the day I didn’t realize until after that I had gotten no pictures with my paternal grandma and she passed away shortly after. It is my biggest regret. Lists are you friend and your vendors friends. I thought it would seem to overbearing if I handed out lists to everyone, but it turns out it would have been super helpful!
I had made appointments to try on dresses at three different boutiques, one being David’s Bridal which was the first appointment. I went with my mom, mother in law, and aunts and tried on a dozen or so dresses, but it was my mother in law who was scouring the racks while I was changing that ended up finding the dress there I fell in love with and it was a style I thought I’d absolutely hate. I didn’t get an overwhelming feeling at first like people make it seem you should have when finding “the dress”, but when I tried it on again and had it fitted to fit me that’s when I fell in love with it.
I love Disney so we went to Disney for a little less than a week and then when we got back we had a few days to bask in married life and also to organize all our gifts.
For a unity ceremony (like the sand thing people do) we did a unity cocktail where we mixed together a cocktail. It was fun and unique and we included a Chicken Jug to mix the cocktail into/pour it into our custom champagne glasses from the place where we had out first date. We also wanted to include readings in our ceremony, but since neither one of us are religious we picked some favorite poems for family members to read (one was from the velveteen rabbit). There’s no right way to have a wedding, just make it about your love and a celebration of you joining together in life and you’ll have a great time and so will anyone in attendance. Nearly five years later we still have friends and family mention how much they loved our wedding whenever we see them because we put care and thought into every piece of our wedding and made sure everyone felt that. Last tip is don’t put too much pressure on the wedding night, we ended up sitting in bed (in birthday suits) eating our cake we didn’t have a chance to eat and opening/reading through all the cards we’d gotten. It was a wonderful way to end the night.

I never wear my rings at home! The first thing I do when I get home is take it off, I just don’t care for the way it feels and feel like I should protect it a bit from the day to day wear.

This is so easy to say after having a wedding, but it’s not worth the money. If I could go back in time I think I would do a small destination with a few friends and family. Our wedding was “inexpensive” compared to a lot that we’ve attended, but it was still a lot of money and we could have gone on some amazing trips or reno-ed our house with it! Again, this is easy to say after having had a wedding!

1. Ring – I can’t say enough good things about silicone rings!! I am head over heels in love with my solitaire diamond and wedding band, but there are many, many days/weeks where I just wear a white silicone band – especially during this pandemic when we are washing our hands constantly! They’re perfect for lake trips like you mentioned, other vacations, gardening, etc!

2. Name – my husband was dead set on me changing my name, which I was more than happy to do. We’ve been married 8 months and I haven’t done it yet… 😀 It’s kind of been the last thing on my mind with everything going on. I have the paperwork ready, just haven’t bitten the bullet. I plan on dropping my maiden last name and keeping my first/middle with his last name.

3. Wedding – we purposely chose a smaller venue that capped us at 110 guests including ourselves. I was concerned we could easily balloon up to 250+ and we didn’t have the budget or, frankly, the desire to have that large of an event. I especially didn’t want to feel bad the next day about a) not having time to talk to each person at least for a few minutes, or b( feeling sad we didn’t have enough time to really, fully dance the night away and enjoy the little moments more because we were trying to talk to everyone.

4. Best thing – I have 3.
a. My girls, mom and I went out to brunch and to get our nails done the day before the wedding, which I paid for as part of their gift for standing up (along with their hair appts). It was so nice to spend some extra time with them (my sister, mom and 2 bridesmaids live out of state).
b. We had lots of out of town guests, so before our rehearsal and dinner, we hosted a “welcome happy hour” at a fun cocktail bar near the hotel where everyone was staying. It was an open house for 2.5 hours, and gave everyone coming into town an opportunity to come have a drink on us and mingle before the big day. Super relaxed and fun environment, there were lawn games by the patio and just some casual platters of food – and was a great meetup for the wedding party before rehearsal as well.
c. Carve out ~10 minutes towards the end of dinner to grab some outside/sunset photos with champs in hand ❤️ You’re married, far more relaxed than you were in the AM, it’s perfect to just relish the moment, and the photos will be stunning.

5. Changes – No 🙂

6. Dress – I designed a custom gown through Anomalie – easily one of my favorite parts of our wedding. I went and tried some on only to decide silhouette/fabric.

7. Honeymoon – we did a “mini moon” for a few days in Nashville and the Smokey Mountains. We were supposed to go to Italy and Greece this spring, but, well, COVID. Hoping to reschedule for next summer!

You and Mike are so unbelievably cute together and I know you’ll have the happiest day!

Healthcare person here so I don’t wear my rings to work very often. I take them when I travel but NEVER take them off. Find a place close to you to get them professional cleaned and taken care of. I legally changed my name, but I still go by my maiden name a lot. Doesn’t matter a lot to me I guess. I tried on a handful of dresses. I knew mine was the one when my mom and I started tearing up and I didn’t want to take it off. We got married at 23. We dreamed of a European adventure for our honeymoon, but decided on a week in Florida instead. We ended up buying a car and a house within our first year of marriage. Looking back, I am glad we did a smaller honeymoon so we could work toward our long-term goals.

My biggest pieces of advice-THERE ARE NO RULES. This is your day! Make it special for you two. My favorite parts of our wedding day were the personal touches we added. The song we played when we gave roses to our moms was the song my hubs had playing when he proposed. I made a special charm for his boutonnière with a picture of his cousin (passed away in a car accident several years ago-he would have been our best man if he was still with us). Don’t forgot about your groom either. It’s his day too! Finally, it is so easy to spend on your wedding. Before committing to anything, think it over for a few days. Best of luck planning!

First of all, Congratulations! After I got engaged, I never took my ring off (except to take it back to the jeweler for re-sizing/cleaning/etc.) To this day I hardly ever take it off, even through my two pregnancies and running long distance races. It just became second nature to me.

After I got married, I took my husbands last name. I definitely do not regret leaving my maiden name behind. It’s actually kind of strange when I see it now!

My husband and I opted for a destination wedding in Jamaica, so our honeymoon and wedding were essentially combined. It was relatively stress free – I loved it and would do it all over again if I had to! The only thing I really regret is not getting a better photography package.

I tried on several dresses but also ended up with a dress that was completely different than the one I was envisioning. It didn’t seem like my style, but I fell in love with it as soon as I tried it on!

Enjoy the process, it’s so much fun watching your big day come together!

Hi Carly! I have been following your blog for years!! Congratulations on becoming engaged!!! I am so happy for you both! Such a special time in your lives!! Savor this special time in your lives!! 💕

I got engaged May of last year in Positano Italy to my boyfriend (high school sweetheart) of 10 years. We unfortunately postponed our wedding from July 18th 2020, to Sept 11th 2020, to now June 25th 2021! Third times a charm!! I wanted to answer your questions from a postponement perspective- we are not married yet but hopefully it is helpful to you all through the planning process?

I never take off my ring besides cleaning around the house! I wear it to bed and the shower. I do like my last name Prenzler- I know its unusual! I think I like it because no one else has that last name that I am aware of so it makes me feel special. I plan on taking his last name Jones even though it so common! Maybe I will keep my last name as middle and convince myself I am getting a British last name lol!

At first I assumed we would have a 150 person wedding max but, my mom has been very excited about our wedding process and all the guests she wanted to invite brought it up more to 220. In the long run I have felt this day is almost as equally important to my parents so I really wanted them to invite whoever they wanted!

Anything you regretted- I guess Invitations at a local boutique- eek! Man I loved picking out these invitations! It was one of my favorite parts about the wedding. The invitations to me really symbolized the look of the wedding before you got to the ceremony and reception. The look of our wedding is very timeless and elegant! Navy blue bridesmaid dresses, white and green flowers, gold accents, etc. I chose to go to a local wedding invitations store and chose Crane invitations which were William and Arthur. I love these invitations but Massachusetts where they are made is more on a lock down than Chicago (where I live). We would have lost all our money if we kept our original wedding date but, we didn’t so I am sure it will work out!! I just wanted to give you a heads up in case you were planning on doing something smaller within 2020!

Would I go back and change anything:
I love the details of design- I am an interior designer but sometimes it is hard to focus on what is really “me”? Maybe think about how you want to feel waking up and how you want to feel that day vs look? So many people have told me that and Im like “hey I want pretty pictures doesn’t mean it cant be meaningful!” Haha but I think in this weird gap between now and next year I want to make sure I focus on the ceremony. I didn’t focus on it as much because I am not a good writer and it made me the most anxious so I think I avoided it? The design was easy for me so maybe trying to embrace the true big moment of the wedding would be my regret/now opportunity to focus on!

How many dresses did I try on:
I went to 3 stores! I found my dress at the third store and the last dress! I felt really emotional all the sudden trying it on so I just felt like excited and overall overwhelmed trying it on! I tried on tons of different styles but eventually I tried on something that felt like me but another level- a bridal look not just a normal dress you know? I am sure you will choose something gorgeous that I will envy haha!

Honeymoon:
We actually booked Lake Como Italy pre-covid which is a crazy location now haha! The Lombardy region is unfortunately so affected now but we love Italy (secretly wish I could live there/england) but, we hope to go back next year! If not, then another european country or somewhere out of the country or marthas vineyard!

Unique advice:
If I had a larger budget I would play with embracing a more unique style of the wedding even more! My best friends mom owns a company “the festive frog”- check it out on insta you would love it! It creates a unique table setting for special events and I would love that but, we have a live band and so many other things we love for the wedding that I think it will be amazing as is at my parents country club! Just something I sometimes dream about because I am so visual! Also- side note I did choose an off the shoulder satin dress and it has been hard to alter so maybe keep that in mind? How comfortable you are moving in your soon to be dress!

Best of luck planning!
Alexis

P.S. sorry for the very long post!!! I just had this whole year and past few months to think about all our wedding decisions!

Put the ring on the line item of your homeowners/renters insurance. It made me feel more confident about wearing it out and about and not have to worry about losing it. It was like $17 for the whole year, so worth it. Also best advice for the day of: Wear. Comfy. Shoes.

I got engaged this past November and I am getting married in September. I wear my ring mosssttt of the time and a silicone one when I don’t/remember. We’re not big wedding people and don’t love attention on us so we decided to elope and have a party afterwards before COVID made it the cool thing to do haha we’re using simply eloped and so far, they have made the process seamless. I am going to wear my dress to both (and tried on probably 30)🙈 and change my last name 🙂

Do you wear your ring all the time?
Not at first. My ring was about a size too big for me (we have similar rings! I too have a gold band with a round solitaire diamond 😊). So I was nervous wearing it in pools/water/shower etc. After I got it resized, I wear it non-stop and only take it off when I’m putting on lotion, etc. You get used to it for sure. I just make sure to clean it once a week now that I never take it off.
Did you change your name?
Yes! We too liked the idea of having a ‘family name.’ I also liked Rachel Shuler better than my maiden name, Rachel Kern.
Did you have a small, medium, or big wedding?
I think we had a big wedding? 180 people…is that big? That includes like my mom’s and dad’s cousins on their sides, as well as my mother in law’s aunt and uncles. We really wanted to make it a celebration of two families coming together. We’d been dating for 8 years before we got married, so our families are very important to us on each side and we didn’t want to leave anyone out.
What’s the best thing you did for your wedding day? Anything you regretted?
We decided to get married in the “off season” so that we could reasonably afford our dream venue. That was the best decision ever. We got so much value out of such a nice venue that people typically pay 50% more for in regular “wedding season.” We also opted for a Friday wedding. I believe that stigma of Friday weddings is wearing off! That was the BEST thing we did, and a close second was choosing the venue that was all inclusive. If you want to take it a look at the vibe it’s The Inn at St. John’s in Plymouth, MI. We got married in March in Michigan…so you can assume that it was cold, wintery and all indoors for the most part. We wanted our guests to feel safe in the winter in case there were any storms etc. We got lucky with an overcast and not so cold day with no snow! Everyone who came in from out of state had no winter storms to deal with, phew! Our chapel and reception were at the same location, with a hotel attached as well. We filled up that hotel block – priority wise – with family and wedding party. It made everything so easy for decorations, getting up in the morning, coordinating photographers and vendors, and all in all creating a very relaxed feel with no travel during the day. No extra party bus or vehicle to have to get us around to different photo locations or venues to and from.
I regretted taking too much time for pictures! Though the morning of my wedding and our first look was incredible and we were able to soak up that time, it seemed like we definitely were racing against the ceremony clock to get all the pictures in with our wedding party and families. This is partially because it was important to us to take pictures with many family members. We had little cousins as flower girls and ring bearers, so we wanted their parents to get those kinds of pictures with us. We also wanted those classic, ‘80s big family wedding pictures that I swooned over as a little girl!
Would you go back and change anything?
I would change the amount of pictures/time we took before the ceremony. Once we got through the ceremony and did chapel pictures it was all good. That really is the only thing! Oh, and maybe not having my bridal shower at my parent’s place. It was important for me to “go back home” to do my bridal shower, but it caused a lot of stress on my parents to get their house ready for 60 guests. We had to do that for budgetary reasons.
How many wedding dresses did you try on before finding “the one”?
I had my wedding dress made by my grandmother (we call her Oma – grandma in German. She’s my Mom’s mom). Oma made her wedding dress, my mom’s and all my aunts on that side of the family. It was the most special thing ever! I’m glad I was able to partake in that tradition and get something custom for my style. And really have that emotional memory with my Oma who is so near and dear to my heart. We went to a wedding dress shop with my MOHs, MIL, my Mom and Oma and tried on a couple dresses there to see what the most flattering cut was and to put my ideas of how I wanted my dress to be into action. Then, my Oma used some patterns as blueprints but pretty much customized it to my body and the classic clean look I wanted. Very Vera Wang lol.
I used the pearl buttons my mom had on her dress and used them down the back of my dress that went into the short train I had.
What kind of honeymoon did you take?
We took a relaxing 8 day all inclusive trip to The Excellence in Punta Cana. After all the wedding planning you’ve done, the social battery you used up from all the guests and wedding stuff…you’ll want to RELAX. We got married on a Friday and left for our honeymoon on early Sunday morning.
Did you do anything unique? Tips? Advice?! Something I’m not thinking about but should be?!?!
I always go back to “it’s not that deep.” 😊 But seriously! I loved wedding planning, don’t get me wrong. I look back at it joyfully and feel satisfied with how we spent our money and where we spent it. We invested a lot of our budget into our venue, so we didn’t have to spend much if not anything on decorations. We got married in the Atrium at The Inn at St. John’s and it was such a breathtaking room with glass on the ceiling that any décor would’ve taken away from it! Due to spending most of our budget on the venue itself, it didn’t leave a lot of wiggle room for things like bridal shower, invitations, etc. I had a friend design my invites for me…I opted for a half hour “mini session” with our photographer to save money on engagement pictures. We had my bridal shower at my parents’ house and it was potluck style between my bridesmaids, mom, MIL and other family.
Something unique we did (in addition to my Oma sewing my dress custom) was my dad building a Boxwood hedge for us to use both at the bridal shower as a décor item at my parents home and then at our reception to put the table seating arrangements for guests during cocktail hour. It was 7 feet tall by 10 feet wide and so many people used it to take pictures in front of! We ordered boxwood square pieces from Amazon, and staple gunned those to pieces of wood my dad put together. It was pretty easy to setup since he broke down the hedge into 4 pieces and we’d put them together with hinges and pins.

I definitely take off my rings to sleep, workout, do dishes, etc. I actually have a couple cheap ones from Amazon (a set of silicone ones and a couple prettier ones) to wear if I’d rather not bring the real ones.

I was planning on keeping my maiden name as my middle name, until I met my husband, whose last name was only one letter off from mine 😂 So I just took his and when I’m with my family everyone thinks it’s a typo, haha!

We went on our honeymoon to the Renaissance hotel in Aruba – it was incredible! A week of gorgeous beaches, 2-for-1 happy hours, and incredible food (we got recs from the bartender each night) was exactly what I needed after a whirlwind 6 month engagement!

More than anything, enjoy the planning as much as you can! Making it “ours” was the most fun part 🙂

I feel that even though you have a big presence on social media, an intimate wedding is more you. You won’t regret keeping it simple.

All great questions! I’ve been married 10 years now, and have so many thoughts…
1 – I currently wear my rings all the time, but in the last 10 years, I’ve gone back and forth on it. While we were living in Europe, I often didn’t bother because American wedding rings are much more showy than European ones and I didn’t want to stick out (and they wear theirs on the right hand).
I also picked up a pen-like cleaner for my ring because if you wear it all day, every day, it gets dull quickly.
2 – I did change my name, and I wish I hadn’t. I think it’s a personal preference thing, really, and something to discuss with Mike about how he feels.
3 – We had a medium wedding – 150 people. I desperately wanted either to elope or have a super-small wedding, but my husband and our families didn’t. To this day, I still wish we had had a much smaller wedding because of the headache involved in planning for that many people, etc. No matter what size or type of wedding you have, GET A COORDINATOR! It was the best money we spent.
4 – The thing we did at our wedding that was probably the smartest was to commit to sticking together the entire time. You’ll find that every guest wants their time with you, and you’ll get pulled apart and will hardly spend the day with your new spouse! Make a pact that wherever one goes, the other goes, too. That way, you both have the shared experience to look back on.
5 – If I could change anything, I would have eloped, and I would have spent the money on a better photographer. (It’s a longer story – my husband is super private and wouldn’t agree to letting our images be used for marketing purposes, so I think the photographer half-assed our wedding.) I highly recommend – when you sit down to budget – to select one or two things that you will splurge on, and then be reasonable with the remainder.
6 – I wish I’d tried on more dresses and taken advantage of the time of being engaged and being pampered. I went to one shop, tried on the dress I came in to see (which I ended up buying), and tried on maybe two or three more. That was the extent of my dress hunt. I’m super anxious as well, so at the time I didn’t want to be fussed over and paid attention to, so I wimped out of doing the whole dress shopping thing.
7 – We took a relaxing honeymoon. A lot of people told us that even though we prefer adventurous trips, that we’d be looking forward to just sitting back and relaxing when the wedding was finally over. They were SO right! If you’re still not sure about it, go somewhere that you can relax but also take some adventures if you choose to.

Given that your job revolves around looking good in photos and creating a look and feel, this should be less fraught for you in terms of finding vendors or having ideas. I strongly recommend getting a coordinator who walks you through the process of planning a wedding and then does day-of coordination. They’ll keep you on track during the planning, and then on the day-of, all you have to do is be present.
Most of all, just try and enjoy every step! <3

The best thing my wedding planner told me was to get a pair of neutral wedges the same height as my heels. This allowed me to change into something more comfortable after the ceremony, and didn’t sacrifice the length of my dress!

Can’t wait to read more of your thoughts on your wedding, about your preperations and all the pictures! Happy for you!

First, Congratulations to you and Mike! It is OK to be so happy, and share it with all of us.
Changing your name, I debated for over a year after I was married. It felt so weird to think I had to part ways with “my name.” I decided to hyphenate my name. For more years than I can count I have done genealogy, and found that women change their names when they marry and thus tend to get lost in the genealogy world. Many records going forward after marriage provide no information on their birth (maiden) name. Just my reason, hopefully, this will give you something to think about. Once again, all the best on your engagement.

-Do you wear your ring all the time?
My engagement ring, rarely, if ever. I love going to the gym and type for a living (think lawyer/accountant/etc.), so I end up popping it off anyway (and often leaving it in my office ring dish, not good!). It’s a T&Co. ring, so not for lack of liking it! I have a very simple rose gold band that I got from Etsy that I absolutely adore (hand stamped with our anniversary dates) and I wear that more often, but still pop it off/forget to wear it, etc. I don’t know how some ladies wear a full set (e-ring/band) at the gym and ALL the time. I have a Qalo ring for outdoor activities that I sometimes wear, but overall very bad about wearing anything.

-Did you change your name?
Yes. I think looking back on it, legally, I would have liked to keep one of my two last names, but it would have made my full name way too long.

-Did you have a small, medium, or big wedding?
Big. Very jealous of my friends who eloped! I think an elopement with a couple of family members (or just a photographer and the officiant) + reception later is my actual dream wedding. Our wedding was before Pinterest excited, so it was as textbook as you can imagine.

– What’s the best thing you did for your wedding day? I honestly loved how little I cared about anything except my dress and getting married to this guy. The lack of stress made things so nice and peaceful.

– Would you go back and change anything?
Yes, elope/tiny wedding, as well as doing a first look (I thought walking down the aisle sounded more romantic, not so much).

– How many wedding dresses did you try on before finding “the one”?
One. To quote you, “I ended up loving a dress COMPLETELY different than what I thought I wanted!”

– What kind of honeymoon did you take?
We were poor college kids, so we did a mini-moon. We went to a favorite B&B near our current city, so we get to go back and have a really special place that’s fairly affordable for what we get.
We did an intl. trip after graduating grad school (see, when we finally had fund$). Not where we went, but may I suggest Blackberry Farm for a mini-moon if travel is still restricted? I think you’d adore the place.

– Did you do anything unique? Tips? Advice?! Something I’m not thinking about but should be?!?!
Go with your gut and what feels right to you. Stay true to yourself. Don’t sweat the small things. And find a great couples’ therapist and do some pre-marital work! It will pay dividends.

About rings. I’ve never worn a lot of jewelry so it took me a while to remember to wear it every day. I don’t wear it working out and in the shower either. I did also get a rubber ring that I wear to work (I’m a nurse). I’ve been wearing it for two years now and I finally feel naked without it, but it took a long time for me.

I’m planning to change my name but I just haven’t done it yet! We’ve been married for a year now but I was in grad school until december and was told it would complicate things to try to change it. Then COVID hit so everything was closed. It’s on my list for this week so we’ll see what happens.

We invited 225 and ended up having around 180. About 1/3 was friends of my parents so that made it feel a bit big and impersonal, but they paid for my wedding so I wasn’t about to complain haha. My step-sister’s husband is from Mexico so for her wedding they did a small ceremony and lunch then later that evening did a party for all the people in America who couldn’t go to Mexico. Then, a few months later did a huge Mexican wedding that almost lasted 24 hours. So there are so many ways to do everything I don’t think there’s one right way.

The best thing we did for our wedding day was the atmosphere. We had overflowing flowers and candles everywhere and it felt like a dream! The food was also fantastic.

One thing I’d change was make it longer! We only did 3 hours of the reception because my husband and I don’t stay up late and aren’t big partiers so we thought it would be enough time. In hindsight, I would have started the ceremony an hour earlier and used the extra time. We also spent quite a while signing the marriage license and eating just the two of us so I felt like I missed an hour of the reception factoring pictures as well. Another thing to consider is our venue, even though they’re only an event venue, made us rent plates and such which felt ridiculous.

I tried on wedding dresses at two different stores. The first was all dresses under $2000 and none of them made me feel pretty. I struggle with my weight and body image and I was so worried I would just have to make do with something. Then I went to a different store and every dress except one (which was actually a dress I’d loved for years on pinterest) made me feel beautiful. I knew it was my dress when I couldn’t stop smiling. It was priced at $3400 I think but my store was doing a sale so it was $2800. I think in total I tried on somewhere around 10 dresses.

For our honeymoon we had to wait 6 months because of our school schedules so we did a short trip to Disney World and it was perfect. We’ll do a longer trip when we’re both finished!

My biggest tip is make sure you have a substantial meal for breakfast and lunch the day of. People always forget to eat and that’s how you end up feeling like crap the day of.

Hi Carly! Im seriously SOO excited to read about your wedding content as you go through the process! I don’t think there’s ANYTHING wrong with being happy/excited about it during this time. You HAVE to have something to look forward to and marriage is definitely it! Here are my thoughts on the questions you asked, but these are just one woman’s opinion (married only 3 years haha)
1. Your ring – You get used to wearing it I promise! It feels weird NOT to wear it these days! But we do a lot outside and I dont like wearing my ring for that, so my husband and I both bought Qalo rings for outdoor activities. They are silcone rings that cost like $20 for a 3 pack for women (lots of colors and designs to choose from) and I wear two of them like stackables when we do outdoor things. It puts my mind at ease about not losing my diamonds! Other than that, I wear mine all the time unless Im showering, but I do wear it doing dishes if I’ve already got it on.
2. I did change my last name….because my maiden name also didn’t really “work” as a middle name, and I like the ease of my new last name (Schmidt haha). My husband and I also discussed that for future children, we’ll use my family names for middle names. Our theory was, they’ll have his last name and so our kids will have my parents names as middle names and his last name! A winning combo for us!
3. We had a pretty big wedding (by my standards). My husband has a BIG family. I wanted to elope to Italy, but we also wanted our three grandparents, all in their 90s to be there, and that meant no traveling….we tried to keep it small even locally, but then the list kept growing to 220 people! whoops!
4. Would I change anything? I dont know….part of me still wishes we had eloped to Europe, but 3 years later, people still tell us how amazing our wedding was and how much fun people had. We literally had 150 people still there after last call! So I guess, no….I wouldnt. What I WOULD say is that our wedding was perfect for what we wanted then in that time. If I were getting married today or at this age, it would probably be very different…just because my style has changed!
4. I only tried on 3 dresses….I had a unique situation though. Everyone told me I would like a dress I never thought I’d like, but I knew from the beginning what I wanted. I have a couple very LARGE scars on my chest that I wanted to cover so my dress was a halter, all lace style….but my situation was very specific. I got my dress from BHLDN which is Anthro’s bridal line and it was only $700 (which is VERY reasonable for wedding dresses). I also had it shortened after the wedding to a dress I can wear all summer and I will have the extra material made into a baptism gown for future babies. I also got my cathedral length veil off of Etsy which was a HUGE cost savings for something you wear once (and in my case, got stepped on ALL night haha)
5. We went on a “mini moon”. I was in the process of moving to a new state, trying to find a new job, AND 6 months from our wedding….we didn’t have time to plan something fancy. So our plan is to do a big trip for our 5 year anniversary. Plus, we knew several couples who got really sick on their honeymoons after “coming down” from all the wedding stress and didn’t get to enjoy their honeymoons. So we decided to save up and go all out for year 5!

Hope this helped! The one thing I’d also say, that really worked for us, my husband had 3 major things he wanted out of the day….he couldn’t care less but all the decorations or anything else. He cared about not having a first look, having a photo booth, and having our “head table” be us, our parents and grandparents instead of our bridal party. Those things we did without thinking…everything else was just “extra” and DONT sweat the small stuff! The only person who is going to know if something doesn’t go perfectly is you….everyone else will think it’s perfect! And mostly, have FUN planning your wedding! You do it once…enjoy it! 🙂

Do you wear your ring all the time?
No! My job is tough on jewelry, so somedays I leave it at home to keep it safe. I also take it off to do dishes, garden, shower and sleep. I have two ring dishes – one in the bedroom and one in the kitchen -that hold my ring when it’s not on me.

Did you change your name?
My fiancé and I talked about it, and he actually wanted to change to MY last name. That said, I think we are going to legally keep our last names and then hyphenate when it comes to social media.

Did you have a small, medium, or big wedding?
We were planning on a 100 person wedding for Labor Day 2020, but it’s getting smaller by the minute (which I’m actually really ok about)

What’s the best thing you did for your wedding day? Anything you regretted?
What I heard from a lot of brides/friends was to pay for a really amazing photographer, and to do a first look. Everyone said not to stress the little things, so that’s what I’m trying to remind myself.

How many wedding dresses did you try on before finding “the one”?
I tried on 9 dresses between BHLDN and a local bridal shop. While I was still on the fence about a traditional bridal gown at BHLDN, I changed my mind when I found the perfect dress at the bridal boutique. BUT I waited a week before I pulled the trigger and bought ~the one~. It helped to talk to my fiancé about his vision, and that he was 100% on board with spending the money on a onetime dress.

What kind of honeymoon did you take?
We were always planning on a honeymoon to Italy for 2021… now it might just be 2022.

We are doing the rehearsal dinner at a house my parents rented for the week, and I’m not going to lie – I’m really excited to feast on BBQ and beer in a casual (but intimate setting) before the big day. Our friend owns our favorite brewery in Colorado, so we are really lucky that he is going to provide some kegs.

Good luck!!

When I first got engaged, I took my ring off the wash my hands/dishes and to shower (and for lotion or hand sanitizer). Otherwise I wore it all the time. Since getting married, I wear my wedding band all the time except showering (and lotion or hand sanitizer). I wear my engagement ring with it when I’m not doing work with my hands where the diamond can get caught on something. Or sometimes I decide I just want the wear my wedding band with no engagement ring.

I changed my last name because I 100% wanted to have the same last name as my husband. I dropped my maiden name completely mainly because I’m not close with my family so there’s not really a sentimental attachment to it. And I love my given middle name.

We had a small(?) wedding – 50ish people. We both are very picky with who we let in close, so we only have a few really close friends that we invited. Plus some family members and then some of our spiritual leaders (our pastors and mentors).

Best thing for our wedding day was 1. reading our vows to each other alone before the ceremony. And then just saying “I do” in front of everyone. And 2. Not letting anyone else’s opinions affect decisions. I know you haven’t been one to fantasize about your wedding day, so I would recommend you and Mike talk about what all you guys really want and what is non-negotiable, that way when you ask for people’s opinions or they give opinions without you asking (😉) you won’t be swayed.

I wouldn’t change anything. We didn’t get a lot of pictures with our guests, but honestly I care most about the pictures I had with my husband and me, so pictures with guests weren’t very important.

I think I tried on about 10 dresses, the 10th being the one. I walked in and told her exactly what I wanted. She grabbed multiple styles just so I could be sure I didn’t like any of the other styles that didn’t match what I envisioned. My consultant had me re try on my “faves,” but I was pretty sure about the one. It was hard to visualize the dresses fitting due to my figure and the standard sample sizes, but the one I loved was exactly what I walked in and told my consultant I wanted. Trying my faves on again, I couldn’t stop thinking about the 10th one which we saved for last again with the re try ons. Once I tried it on again, it was confirmed it was my dress.

We live in Virginia and went to London, England for our honeymoon. We’re not beach people, and I’ve always wanted to go to London, and my husband was good with wherever especially in Europe. We visited the typical tourist spots and spent time just enjoying the culture of London.

I’ll repeat what I said earlier – don’t let anyone away you from what you want! Determine your non-negotiables. For the things you don’t really care about, let your bridal party/mom/MIL take care of it, but ask they run their final thoughts past you. For example, my MIL tried so hard throughout planning to get her opinions in, but I knew exactly what I wouldn’t in decor, flowers, my hair/makeup, to where her opinions were just that. When it came to cocktail hour, she had thoughts and I let her run with it because we wouldn’t be eating or drinking any of it anyways because we would be taking pictures, and it was a way for her to have some (small) say in the day. Really it’s YOURS AND MIKE’S day, and even if you haven’t dreamed about it for your whole life, you can dream now about what would be the perfect day for the two of you, no one else. I had thought about my wedding for so long, and then once I knew I wanted to marry my husband, I started thinking about OUR wedding and what I wanted for US. So much changed about my general wedding ideas because now I knew who the man was that I would be marrying. Once we started planning and decided what we wanted/didn’t want, it made decisions easy. And then when people gave opinions, if they didn’t align with our dream, it was easy to say “thank you, but no.” You might upset people, but it’s YALL’S day and no one else.

Q: Do you wear your ring all the time?
A: YES, well sort of. I take it off to shower, wash my face and when washing dishes.

Q: Did you change your name?
A: I plan on changing my name!

Q: Did you have a small, medium, or big wedding?
A: Initially, it was going to be BIG. Then, the pandemic started and we’re down to about 150 invited / hoping for ~100 guests. It will look vastly different than what it would’ve pre-COVID but we decided to proceed with our plans for 10/10/20 in Virginia. Luckily, the state remains in phase 3 without any spikes (so far). We are hoping that the state remains this way until after our wedding. Of course, we are taking the necessary precautions and following the state guidelines strictly.

Q: How many wedding dresses did you try on before finding “the one”?
A: 14 dresses & 2 stores (but there were many after that). I found what ended up being my dress but walked away from it initially because it was almost 4x what I envisioned spending on my dress. 6 weeks and countless bridal appointments later, the shop called to tell me that they were closing to relocate in California and offered a deep discount on THE dress. I jumped at the opportunity and am so thrilled that I didn’t settle on another dress along the way! The shop owner even threw in a gorgeous cathedral-length veil for free. A blessing!

Q: Did you do anything unique? Tips? Advice?! Something I’m not thinking about but should be?
A: We are incorporating some Filipino traditions in our ceremony since my mom is originally from The Philippines. We opted to do a non-religious ceremony so this is our way of bringing in something a little different (while appeasing my mom!).

Hi, Carly –
I’m a long time reader, infrequent poster, and congratulations! I super type A and was honestly a little annoyed that my now-husband had opinions, which is sort of awful in retrospect. The thing that really really helped me plan wasn’t checklists or Pinterest inspo but deciding together a framework that worked for us. It has honestly carried over into our married life as we make other big decisions. I have gifted the book (https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Wedding-Planner-Step-Step/dp/0738218421) to many friends to celebrate their engagement!

Carly, this is awesome!

1. I wore my ring all the time. Now that I’m married i never even on occasion wear it.

2. My husband and I changed our name together. This is too long of a story, but he changed his and I changed mine.

3. We had a small wedding, 44 people. City hall and a cocktail party. Cambridge MA.

4. Best thing we did for the wedding day was think about us. Biggest regret is listening to others suggestions Or demands.

5. Dresses – I tried on nothing. I ordered online from Bergdorfs and wore it, wedding dresses are overrated. I sold in on The RealReal a week after.

6. We still haven’t taken a honeymoon. It’s almost two years. We don’t plan on it.

7. Tips – so cliche but seriously do what you want. You are so classy and chic, anything you do will en beautiful.

My husband and I are celebrating our 11 year anniversary in September, our wedding was like celebration along the way.

Ring: I generally don’t wear my rings at home. I wear it when I go out. I have a necklace that’s part of my wedding set and wear that constantly. My work is such that a ring is often impractical.

Name: I didn’t change my name for the first few years. I was pretty apathetic about it since it’s a big administrative hassle. But we had some health issues that highlighted how much easier it is to navigate with the same last name when at the hospital. So, I added his name to the end of mine, no hyphen. Just multiple middle names now.

Wedding: Tiny. Less than 15 people including us and the officiant. We got married in Vegas by Elvis which was so much fun. We spent most of our wedding budget on the honeymoon. My one regret was not hiring a professional photographer.

Dress: I knew what kind of dress I wanted. It was the first one I tried on. I loved it. Tried on 4 more just to be sure. Walked out that day with it.

Honeymoon: We spent our honeymoon on a road trip across the West from Vegas>Flagstaff>GrandCanyon>Phoenix.

Advice: Be clear in your vision for how you want to feel at your wedding. We edited out everything that gave us immediate anxiety. Our friends and family understood. Ultimately, the wedding is important, but the life that comes before and after is more important.

Hope you have a lovely time planning and executing your wedding.