This is a bit of a mix of a post. A lot of ski photos and a video… and a bit of a confession.
I feel like I have a new lease on life. I’m not really sure what has happened internally, but I really feel like I have my anxiety issues in check. I do not say this lightly as it’s been something I’ve dealt with my whole life. While it wasn’t an overnight, miracle cure (still wish one of those existed!), I’m relieved to be in the place where I am.
As I told one of my friends, I definitely still experience anxiety. For me, I feel it physically first… a combination jittery stage fright, the shakes from a too-difficult work out, and sea sickness from being on a boat too long… with a rock on my chest. Then the racing mind (or frozen mind sometimes) starts. In the past the feeling could last an entire day and make me not want to leave my bed. It’s just not as debilitating now. I feel like I have way more a healthy life now.
I wish I could explain the transformation that I feel in a tangible way. The biggest change that I can articulate is that I made the choice to be happy, to not let anxiety define what I can and cannot do. My anxiety comes out in a variety of ways, one of which is perfectionism.
If I don’t think I am good at something, I’d rather not do it. Period.
And that’s where this whole skiing thing is such a big deal to me. I’m terrible! Really bad. But I still love it!!! Even with sore feet and legs, I would stay out there forever. A year ago, I would never have even attempted to ski out of fear of not being good at it, fear of the height of the mountain, and fear of breaking every limb. I’m really proud of myself for just trying and giving myself the chance to really enjoy something.
It scares me to think of all the things I might definitely have missed out on in the past. I have to remind myself to be thankful that I have started this new journey at 25 and not 50… or 75… I remind myself to think of not the missed adventures, but the many to come.
Again, my anxiety hasn’t disappeared, but I do think that the more I push the boundaries, the less it controls my life.
The whole ski group! We had so much fun together. From makeshift bagel-pizzas to late night Apples to Apples. It was just a great time all around.
Oddly enough, there was a Carlin, a Carly, and a Karl on the trip. With all the nick-name variations we already have, it got confusing!
The first day was super snowy and overcast. It was like skiing in a snowglobe!!! Carlin kept saying, “Car, every time I turn around and see you, you’re just zipping along with a huge smile on you face!” I was so happy on that mountain. It’s so physically and mentally demanding (at least for me since I’m still very much a novice), I can’t think about anything else. I feel like I always have some kind of work on my mind, but not while skiing. It is so freeing!
Day two and all smiles!
We strapped the GoPro on Garrett’s chest and this is what he captured:
PS We’re going to Stowe next weekend and I am seriously counting the days.