Maxie’s here today sharing great tips for getting back your confidence. As I was getting ready to graduate college, I told my mom that I felt like I was not capable of doing the whole real world thing and she laughed and said, “No one knows what they’re doing. Everyone is figuring it out as they go along.” For me it was such a turning point just to know that everyone felt like that (and the more people I talk to the more I confirm that it’s true). Even to know that my parents were just “figuring it out” as they went along was a relief to me– I had always assumed they had absolutely everything figured out. There are definitely times when I let those kinds of negative thoughts reenter my brain… and I totally love Maxie’s suggestions for regaining confidence:
What to Do When You’re Lacking Confidence
Guest Post by Maxie McCoy
There’s not a single soul on this planet that doesn’t doubt themselves. Every single person, no matter who they are, how beautiful they appear, how successful they seem, has moments when they’re not confident.
It’s a normal human experience to feel down on yourself. To question your abilities. To wonder if you have what it takes. To consider what people think about you. The key is in not letting these emotions dominate your day to day life. You want them to happen with so much less frequency than the thoughts of “I’ve got this.” Whatever your this is.
I remember the first time I found out that some of the best performers in the world still got nerves (looking at you Oprah and Beyonce). And when it was revealed that even the most successful leaders feel like a fake (known as the impostor syndrome). For some reason, this knowledge helped me feel more confident about myself and my own abilities. Something about knowing that people I look up to have total crap moments, and don’t always see the flawlessness I see in them, helped me focus less on my doubts and more on my beliefs… in myself.
The confident people you look up to have simply created strategies for not letting their self doubt get the best of them. They do, create, act and say despite their self doubt. Since I’ve been through the ringer and back on this one, here’s a few personally tested tips on what to do when you’re lacking confidence.
Visualize a time you were the most powerful
We’ve all had moments where we absolutely nailed it. Whether it was an entertaining conversation, the way we walked into a party, a presentation at work, or in an interview. If you’re down and out on yourself, close your eyes and recall this time. Play it through with incredible detail. Feel what it felt to be in your total power. It’ll help you channel that emotion and repeat it. Thoughts of confidence will dominate. Thoughts of doubt will subside while you’re focusing on your power.
A pick me up
Feeling down on yourself requires getting out of your head. We all do this in different way. I love a good sweat, some killer dance music, or a science video. You may want to watch your favorite comedy or pick up that go-to novel. When you’re twisting thoughts that are beating you down, the best thing you can do is to quit thinking. Get yourself into a different head space where you’re able to let all of that go…even for just a moment. [Carly’s note here, I find that going for a walk helps me a lot!]
Call someone who just gets it
Whether it’s your best friend, or your mom, call someone who can tell you how much they believe in you and how rad you are. Make sure this is someone whose opinion you value and trust… so that it’ll mean something to you. There’s nothing like someone who believes in the stardust of your soul, and how beautiful it is, to help you out of a funk. Simply tell them how you’re feeling, and let them finish the pep talk.
Write yourself a love letter
This may be the last thing you want to do during times of self-doubt. But it could be the most important. And it’ll be something you can re-read in low moments to come. Get out a pen or the notes on your phone, and write a letter to yourself. Give yourself gratitude for the things you do really well and the special person you are. Write anything and everything you love about yourself, down to the weird and small qualities or moments. Reminding yourself of these things will help you tap into your confidence.
Whatever you do when you’re feeling down and out, remember that it’s OK and that we all do it. Just try not to stay in the crappy self doubt stuff for long, because you have gifts and talents to give to the world – and those are hard to see when you’ve squashed your own light.