inspiration

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say…

I think we’ve all been told this a bunch of times since we were little: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. 
Now I really just try to adopt an all-positive attitude. (I’m not perfect, but I do try!) I don’t feel good saying something negative or simply not nice about someone else. It feels wrong because it is wrong. And I think about that all the time. It’s just like the other popular school yard phrase: treat others the way you’d want to be treated.
But you know what I’ve realized recently?
I don’t apply this to myself. 
Why do I say mean things about myself in my head!? I would never say that to someone else, EVER. And yet I have no problem running through a list of issues, faults, and flaws about myself. Sometimes I even say it out loud, putting myself down publicly.
One night I was standing in front of the mirror (where else) and heard myself rattling off critiques and rude remarks about my appearance. And then the next morning, I was mad at myself and thinking some not-nice things for dropping a ball. Kind of out of the blue, I thought I should give myself a break, to cut myself some slack. That’s when it really hit me how horrible I was being.
I immediately vowed I’d make an effort to stop those negative thoughts and to change the language. It hasn’t been the easiest transition. (I’m kind of horrified by how easy and often those negative thoughts flow.) But I am really more conscious of the whole issue; I’m also able to redirect those thoughts when they happen. It feels kind of cheesy, but (if I’m alone) I will literally pay myself a compliment out loud. I definitely less discouraged throughout the day! Hopefully I get better about it every day.


xoxo
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13 Comments

Rachael Broomfield

Woah, I have never thought of this before and now you've written it down I'm thinking 'woah, I need to cut myself some slack too!'. I feel exactly the same towards not being mean to other people but you really do need to be just as nice to yourself!

Rachael at broomfie.blogspot.com

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Tori A.

This post sums up so many of the feelings that I (and many others) experience on a daily basis! Thank you for being the person to finally put it into the right words!

Tori A. from Prep For A Day

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Monica P

I think this is so important!

A few years ago, I started paying honest compliments to random strangers and it's really helped me with my attitude about myself.

Thanks for sharing your struggles with this issue!

Monica P. | Where The Graywind Blows

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Amy

Simple, but difficult! Love that you're leading by example. You're doing amazing, Carly.

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Shayla McMurray

My professor once told me that a good way to change this habit is to write out every thought you have about yourself (positive and negative) which helps you quantify what you are doing. Then the next day write out every thought while trying to limit the negative. If you still have negative, she says to replace those negative with positive remarks on the thought. Cheers!

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Hope Woodhouse

I love this. I am so similar in that I try not to say bad things about others, but the minute I look in the mirror, I rattle off everything negative about myself. I hadn't even thought about the two being similar, but you are so right! I'm sure this will take some practice, but thank you for sharing and starting it off on the right foot!

xo,
Hope
passthecookies.com

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Amy

This describes me more than I would like to admit! It’s hard to be your own cheerleader and you have to make a conscious choice to be your own best friend, everyday. Love your blog, Carly!

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On My Radar - The College Prepster

[…] I love love LOVED this letter that Bobbi Brown wrote to her younger self. I think Bobbi Brown is one of the coolest women out there. WhoĀ would have ever guessed that she had a difficult time in school? It’s so reassuring to hear that she followed the pathĀ she needed to take, and not one that she was “supposed to.” […]

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Jayne

This is so true. I often say out loud to myself “How could you be so stupid?!”
or similar derogatory comments.
Time to start being a bit nicer to moi, because when we are angry with ourselves, we are not as kind to others. It just flows on. thanks for the reminder, coz even 40 somethings can be downright mean to themselves.

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Farida

Wow! I have honestly not thought about it this way. I never try to make someone else feel bad, for instance, even if someone is complaining of their acne, I literally feign blindness to it and try to make ’em feel better. But when it comes to myself, I stand in front of the mirror and freak out, I take photos and freak out and I generally freak out..hehehe. But I’ll definitely change that attitude now!!! Thank you!

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