lifestyle

Friends… and Me

Sometimes I go to write a post and the words just spill onto the paper (or keyboard I guess). I know exactly what I want to say and how to say it. I’ve probably mulled over specific sentences in my head weeks in advance so when I actually sit down to type, my fingers know exactly what to say.

Other times I sit down and the words just don’t come along. I can feel what I want to say, but can’t quite find the phrasing that matches the emotion. When this happens, I might put the idea on the backburner or I might abandon the idea altogether.

I’m in that spot right now, but I want to try my best to capture everything I’m feeling (because I have a suspicion that I’m not alone).

Friendships are something that I value so incredibly much. Maintaining great friendships is both challenging and easy. It’s really like any relationship– it takes work and you have to put in the time and energy. But when you’ve got a girl (or a guy) who is that valuable, it’s worth the extra effort. Surface level effort = surface level friendships.

Now, I think you need all kinds of friends. You need your work buddies. Your gym friends. Your let’s-just-have-a-good-time friends. Those might be a bit easier to maintain because they don’t require too much.

Right now I’m talking about the friendships that require bonsai-tree like care. Deep-rooted friendships mean everything to me. And I have to say, my friends might just be the best in the world.

I’ve been through a lot with my friends. Whether they’re sitting right next to me while we vent about breakups, job struggles, frustrations or celebrating promotions, accomplishments, and proud moments together. We might be on Skype or Facetime going on hour three of a conversation that has wound its way through every detail of a recent event. Sometimes even just knowing I can call them is enough. (And, of course, I hope they know I’m always just one phone call away too!)

Friends

I’m probably in a unique position in that most of my closest friends are not actually geographically close to me. My dream would be to have all of my girlfriends together in one room as many have never even met each other. Isn’t that weird?! I have friends from all walks of life and, having officially lived in six states + D.C., I have accumulated friends from all over. They’re in California, Colorado, D.C., Boston, Florida, Alabama, Chicago, Connecticut, Rhode Island, South Carolina, and NYC. Thank goodness for the internet because it does make things a lot easier, although I still advocate for “real” time together. Luckily all of us end up traveling quite a bit and we still have a way of making time for each other, even if it means going out of our way a little bit.

My friends are always on my mind, but for the past few weeks, they’ve been at the TOP of my mind. They’re buying homes, writing books, launching businesses, getting engaged, getting married, having babies. It’s INSANE and I am just over the moon happy for everyone. Is there nothing greater than watching someone you love just knock it out of the park in life?!?

For the most part, I buy into the idea that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. But right now? I feel like I’m the friend that’s dragging down the average. I have so many emotions right now with all of my friends and I have also been pretty honest with myself about what I feel in the process. Without a doubt, I am so, so proud and happy for everyone. And I’m also probably not the happiest with where I am. It’s not a jealousy issue and I really don’t believe that life should be lived as some sort of comparison game. But I have been in a funky little spot and it can be tough to watch other people, even my closest of friends, taking big leaps forward.

One big thing has been the new apartment. I don’t love it and the issues with it keep mounting. I try to keep things positive on my blog and social media, but these apartment issues have been really getting to me. I didn’t love the apartment when we first toured and got talked into it a little bit. The location is definitely amazing in relation to restaurants and proximity to the city and having a backyard has been great, but there isn’t much natural light. We’re also sandwiched between schools and classes walk to and from the playground every twenty minutes all day long. It doesn’t bother me, but the dogs go CRAZY from the six hours of near-constant foot traffic and by proxy, I go crazy myself working from home. We have had leaks (they’re ongoing issues), smoke detectors sealed in ceilings, and a dryer that is sealed in a closet and ruining clothes. These are “champagne problems” for sure and it’s not like it’s unlivable conditions, but it has been wearing on me. Having a sense of “home” is paramount to my feeling of security and even more so because I’m a true homebody. And with water pooling in the bedroom during a rainstorm, it just doesn’t totally feel like a home yet.

I’m also at probably another crossroads with the business end of my blog where I’m getting close to needing to hire another person. I’m not 100% sure what that role is, but I can feel that it’s coming. As rewarding as it is to provide a job for someone, it comes with a giant amount of responsibility. I’m not too far from my ten year anniversary of blogging and it’s crazy how far I’ve come from writing posts as a creative outlet in my dorm room to a fully functioning business. The blog is my JOB and, yet, because it’s a business most of what I do during the day isn’t blogging at all. Someone recently sent me some constructive criticism about how it felt like I was phoning it in on my blog and it’s tough because this is what you see and behind the scenes is really where I spend 95% of my time. Not because I want to, but because I have to. Sometimes I’m barely keeping my head above the water back there.

One great thing about having friends who are killing it in life? It’s constant inspiration. I’m motivated by their drive and dedication and find myself wanting to do more to be a better person… and friend. Life if a series of ebbs and flows and I have a feeling I’ll be moving forward in my life at a time when one of my friends might be feeling a little stuck. Right now I’m the stuck one, but I keep reminding myself that it’s only temporary. Having friends to keep you moving forward or to give you a little boost now and then is just the best.

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86 Comments

M

thanks for sharing a more vulnerable side today. it’s always hard, but so valuable.

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Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog

Ah, your post made me so sentimental about my own girlfriends! I know how it feels like to have best friends all over the world. I went to an international school and all my best friends are now living elsewhere. America, UK, Australia, Japan, Korea… you name it. It means I don’t have to stay in hotels when I’m travelling 😉 but it also means that it’s hard to have someone just to hang out with on a day to day basis! 🙁

Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com

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Gabrielle

Go Carly! Keep up the positivity the best you can. Your personal posts are my absolute favorite. We are all cheering you on.

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Lauren

I loved how genuine this post was, thanks for sharing! I am at the point where all of my friends are getting engaged and married and I am just trying to finish my degree haha. It’s crazy to me to see the different routes we’ve taken.

I hope all of your apartment issues get better! You’ve been doing an awesome job on social media with keeping it positive.

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Allie

When I go through slumps I try to make everything else in my life relentlessly positive – only happy and positive books, music, TV, movies and people. I hope this helps! Just know that the college prepster community you’ve built is cheering you on and sending you warm wishes! xAllie
http://www.theallthatglittersblog.com

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Taylor Gwin

Carly,
As a graduate student perpetually missing my besties and watching them live their lives from a distance, I relate so much to your post today. Feeling “stuck” or as though your hard hours aren’t paying off can be discouraging, but knowing I am not alone in this feeling helps so much. Also, as a faithful reader, I must say that I find it apparent how much of your life is consumed by blog work. Unlike many blogs, I am able to look forward to a Prepster post each day. Your dedication is not overlooked!
Best, Taylor

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Anne

That’s a really hard position to be in because you love your friends and their success and you want them to have it all, but you also want a little piece of the pie too, so you can truly enjoy their success as you enjoy your own. Just realize that every single one of your friends who is doing big things right now have probably been stuck in the not so distant past. Our “stucks” don’t get noticed as much as our successes do. My one piece of advice would be to make a tangible step forward, it may be a little temporal, but it also may help you feel less stuck. For example, buy that gorgeous wallpaper you posted a while back and wallpaper that wall and truly transform your home office! (I’m sure its not as easy of a step, so maybe it’s not do-able at the time but that’s the first thing that popped into my mind) That’s really what helps when I have similar feelings, it’s really also a good examination of what is really going to help me feel like I’m at least making some movement in my life right now.

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Alexa

I’ve been reading for around a year and rarely, if ever, comment, but had to send you some love this morning! Your blog is one that I read every day, and as someone five years younger working in a similar industry, I very much consider you a work inspiration. I love your transparency and conversational blog posts.

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Katy

Definitely can relate to the feeling of being stuck. Going through that a bit myself with work, but just like you were there for all your friends during their hard times or times they felt in a rut that now are succeeding, don’t be afraid to lean on them for support now 🙂 I’ve been finding mediation and not putting pressure on myself to figure everything out or have everything thing together, even little stuff like worrying about grocery shopping has helped me to relax and reflect on want I really want in life. I’m going to just do what I find fun for now and not take life so seriously!

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julianna

Thank you for sharing a vulnerable side of yourself in today’s post. We all see the shiny blogger side of things and it’s nice to get a reminder that you’re a real person with real problems. All of my best friends live across the country as well and they’re getting married, buying houses, and doing so well! It’s hard to be so so happy for them and then look at my messy life. I hope your apartment problems resolve and you get back to enjoying your days working from home!

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J

Thanks for the post this morning and for your honesty. Social media can paint a pretty picture, but its important to remind ourselves that every life has struggles too (even if they are champagne problems :)) Being reminded that not being 100% positive all the time is OKAY and is very refreshing. One of my favorite posts from you.

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Kristie

I admire your ability to be vulnerable to your readers. I find myself in that same exact situation because I work for the government and the military so all my friends are spread across the world. When I moved to NY, I had no core group of friends! Keep your spirits up and everything will fall into place 🙂

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Evelina

Bonsai Friendships – one of the best descriptions of true friendship I have ever heard! Not sure if you coined that one, but I love it – thank you!!! Hang in there with your apartment. You’re living with your boyfriend, who I’m sure is a great guy, and you’ll get through the rough spots together. And, when everything is good – in this apartment or your next – you will really appreciate it! I recall, living in Lincoln Park in Chicago when I first got married. Having to drive out to the suburbs for some event and then when we got home having to park so far away from our apartment, we had to take a cab home! When we got our first garage it was like we heard the angels singing!!! Hang in there Carly, things will get better 🙂

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Ashley Barker

Love this entire post and love you Carly!!! Thank you for your honest thoughts and your positivity at the end. Your time will come! And we will all be right there with you. Sending a hug!

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BRN

Love this post – it’s gracious and honest. You’re not dragging down any friend averages – but wishing you a smooth path in the near future!

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Elizabeth

Love your honesty and vulnerability! You make others feel safe to be honest and vulnerable, too!

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Caroline

Thank you for having the courage to publish this. Always remember that we, as readers, love you, support you, and are always in your corner. There’s a reason your blog is the first thing I visit when I sit down at work in the morning.

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Phoebe Wright

These are the types of posts that always keep me coming back to you. Thank you for sharing, Carly! This is so relatable and I have been there before too!

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Lori

Carly, first time I’ve read your blog and I could so relate. I’m retired, not even near your age group but our challenges are similar. I miss my friends who are far away and things don’t always go the way I like. Social media fools me into thinking others don’t also struggle at times. I love your honesty and vulnerability today and you’ve assembled a great tribe of people here who love you. Their comments were helpful to me today so I thank you for sharing from your heart. We need more of this among us and I wish you well! You’ve reminded me of the idea, “this too shall pass.”

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briana

I totally get what you’re saying about how important a sense of home is to you. I’m the type of person who can be very easily affected by the surrounding environment, so when I’ve lived in spaces I didn’t love, it did cause a bit of a struggle!

My suggestion is to consider taking this as an opportunity to get out and explore your new community more. Hoboken is great! I’m sure all of your readers would love to see more of it and all of the new spots you discover while living there. I live in Brooklyn and don’t get over to Hoboken often, so I know I’d love to see more of it on your blog 🙂

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Cari

Great post. As readers, I think we *know* lifestyle blogging isn’t all rainbows and sunshine but sometimes that’s hard to see when we see a big apartment, amazing trips, cool products, etc. Nice to see that you are just a regular human being who sometimes struggles with job stuff, friend stuff and life stuff! Just remember you aren’t alone!

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Jordyn

I think you summed it up nicely in the end, life ebbs and flows! I think back to a couple
Years ago and it felt like all of my friends were doing and accomplishing and I was sort of stagnant. Like you, I wasn’t jealous but it did make me doubt where I was at in life a little. Fast forward a couple years and I am happy with where I am and what I am working towards (while a few of my friends feel lost/uncertain in a transitionary time). I’m sure the roles will continue to switch back and forth forever! I love your blog Carly and we all know you put time and energy into it, it’s why we keep coming back for more (:

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Abby

I can really relate to this right now. My husband and I are stuck in limbo thinking we are going to move away (this will be the 4th move together to another state for work) which means completely starting over again. It’s really weighing on me and the idea of moving isn’t as exciting as it once was. Now it’s frustrating because these changes feel like setbacks in our personal lives of making friends where we live, living apart from our family and stopping us from having kids when we don’t feel settled or have a community. It’s so overwhelming, but I try to take it day by day and make the most of where we are now and trust that it will all work out the way it is supposed to -because it always does! Seeing friends get settled and buy homes, have children, love their jobs, and just generally move forward is tough when you feel like you’re treading water. That is how I feel too. Hang in there, so many of us are right there with you.

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Sasha

This was exactly what I needed to hear! I’m a person who really values friendships, not surface level friendships, but the ones where you can talk on the phone for hours and still have more to say. I’m a lot more mature for my age and being in high school I feel like I don’t relate with a lot of the girls my age. I started blogging as an outlet and I’ve met so many incredible girls my age to which I will forever be grateful for and hopefully can visit some day in person!

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Sarah

THIS: “But right now? I feel like I’m the friend that’s dragging down the average.”

I’ve definitely been feeling like that! Most of my 20s have been a greater struggle for me than my friends. 30 is on the horizon for me in September and I’m about to have to do something that feels like a big step backwards in my life while one of my best friends is newly engaged and the other is expecting her first baby soon. I’m over the moon for both, but sometimes their life successes feel like glaring reminders that I’m not where I want to be personally OR professionally. I don’t want to be the friend who is always venting about the negativity and bringing them down. On the other hand, they’re the people who know me best and who I want to turn to to talk it out, but they’re both at minimum 1.5 hours away from me, making me feel pretty isolated. It’s a tough place to be!

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Meghan

I’ve been having similar feelings recently about my friendships. My closest friends are also not geographically close to me and I invest heavily in them with time & effort as a result. It’s also been hard to see so many friends leave NYC when I personally have no plans to do so. At the same time it has made me realize that I also value my independence and “me time” but it is definitely a balance. Speaking of friends, I can’t wait to see you and catch up tomorrow!

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Casey

When you asked us “what kind of posts do you like to read most on the blog”

THESE POSTS.

They are SO genuine and SO relatable.

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Michele

It’s so crazy because I feel like I am the odd man out in my group of friends, but for opposite reasons. I am 27 and I am the only one of my friends who is married (or even engaged!) and has a house. We all graduated college together, live normal lives, have great jobs, and yet most of my friends are in the same place as you – I’m the weirdo of my friends group! Don’t worry Carly, there are so many other girls just like you who are out there kicking butt in life but are going through very similar things. <3 Always appreciate your openness and honestly with us!

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Ami

I’ve probably been following your blog for close to 7/8 years..when I myself was just a senior in high school but have never commented. Just sending you positive vibes – love seeing the more vulnerable side of my favorite bloggers and want to let you know that we definitely appreciate all the work that goes into this!

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Ally

You can’t pour from an empty cup, so if you’ve got stressors in your life, like your apartment leaks, it makes it that much harder to give what you want to be able to give, in any aspect of your life.

Everybody has struggles. Thank you for daring greatly and sharing yours with us.

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Julie

Know how you feel… I’ve lived in five different states in the past six years and it can be rough friends-wise. My best friends are always so far away! And sometimes you just want to hang out with them in person. For me, even just making friends at all with that kind of moving around has been a huge challenge.

I also empathize with your apartment and work challenges. Even though you’ve let us see your vulnerabilities on your blog, you have such a great attitude and ability to persevere; I know you’ll be able to overcome them.

You have such a great way of putting into words difficult subjects, which is a skill few people have. It’s always a pleasure to read your blog. Best of luck, rooting for you!

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Victoria

I am 29 years old and in a couple of months I’ll be 30. I graduated college with a degree in accounting and currently work for a small oil and gas company in Houston, Texas. I have no passion for my job or college degree, I chose it for practical purposes.

I envied those who found their passion at an early age because I didn’t know what it was. I recently discovered my passion for photography and I’m pursuing it head on. I’ve never been more tired or busier but I love every minute of it and after a full day of work, I look forward to that photo shoot with a client.

Sometimes I see that 24 or even 22 year olds have a full time successful business in photography and for a very brief moment I get discouraged. Then I remind myself that I am in my own journey. That I am blessed in so many ways. And that the focus should be on how to be myself and to be better in photography- to always improve myself for my own personal growth.

Thank you for sharing this Carly- your honesty and work is an inspiration to me.

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Nia

Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post. You are truly a role model to me ( a 24 yr old living in Jersey City, Working in Fashion PR in Manhattan, and wanting to take my blogging career to the next level). I have been feeling stuck as well. I lived in a really unpleasant and fairly hazardous place my first year in NYC, so I KNOW how much an uncomfortable living space can affect the other aspects of your life… but like you said, it’s temporary and I believe it makes us stronger. It’s so hard to not beat ourselves up. But I know you, I and everyone in your blogging community are on unique paths. I hope you get a lucky break with your apartment soon! lots of love!

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Andrea

Carly, thank you for sharing this post! I can definitely relate to being happy for others but also being reminded of how I felt stagnant in my life. It’s so hard not to compare your life to that of another—and to bear in mind that everyone’s journey is unique.
That being said I am so impressed with your blog (I’m new) and the fact that it’s your full time gig?! The fact that you’re doing creative work and able to employ others is so inspiring! Thanks for being vulnerable..keep up the good work! Xoxo

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Natalie

I think you could benefit from a co-working space! It would allow you to have a place to focus and interact with other professionals and creatives. Working from home has perks, but a co-working environment is so enriching! good luck!

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Sabrina

I love your take on seeing your friends’ success as inspiring and not a source of jealousy. Going into my senior year of college, half of my friends seem to have everything figured out, or at least a good plan, but I feel like I’m floundering a little. This was a great reality check to take their support and give back encouragement! <3

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Aubrey

I personally work from home as well and 100% can relate to how important natural lighting and creating a calm work environment can be. It’s something I’ve struggled with and I completely relate to this post. Keep up the amazing work Carly, you are by far one of my favorite bloggers to follow and are always an inspiration!
xx Aubrey

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Allison

I so needed to read this, thank you. Don’t think you’re pulling down the average, you’re so not! I bet your friends are so proud and amazed at all your accomplishments. I’m 25, live on my own and have a steady job and then I have a couple friends that are married, one that has a kid, a few friends that still live at home, and the rest are like me. It’s hard not to judge where you’re at compared to your peers, but I try to remember everyone has their own journey and there’s no right way.

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Amanda

It’s interesting to feel “stuck” when you know others looking at your life probably don’t see it and have assumptions about where you are at. I totally relate to that. I’ve never felt more stuck and downright unsure….but to an outsider looking in? My life is PEACHY.

Thank you for being so transparent. It is undoubtably helpful to people.

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Kayla

I can relate so much to this. Thank you for sharing from a vulnerable space.

In fall 2014 I moved for grad school and I moved into a unit in an apartment complex where I hadn’t toured that specific unit. I never should have finished signing the lease when I saw that unit because I had suspicions about it having issues, but I needed to move. Five months later, the complex let me out of my year long lease because of all the issues (I ended up moving into another one of their units so it was a bit easier on their end). It was horrifically stressful at the time since I was in grad school and working, but moving was the best option and I happily lived in my next apartment for two years. I share this to say, if the apartment issues keep getting worse, it might be worth investigating to see if you can get out of your lease and in to a different apartment owned by the same people.

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Olga

Carly,

Would you please do a post about “being talked into” decisions and how to deal with it? Basically how to say no? Struggle with this myself.

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carly

This was more of a compromise situation… I liked another apartment a lot more even though the location wasn’t as great. Basically agreed to live in his apartment as long as it was only for a year. It wasn’t like I got completely dragged into this one, just annoying that we’ve had so many issues when it wasn’t my first choice to begin with

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Julie

Carly, you need to be looking at the housing code in your area because there’s a serious chance that it is being violated. There’s also something called an implied warranty of habitability and water pooling into your bedroom almost definitely violates it. Not having smoke detectors up to code is also a serious violation. If reported to the town, your landlord can be hit with tons of well-deserved fines.

You have recourse if: your landlord has notice of the defect(s), the defect(s) are/is substantial, and the landlord hasn’t fixed the defect(s) in a reasonable amount of time. Check the housing code where you are. You’ll be within your rights to withhold rent and to potentially even cancel your lease. I strongly recommend that you consult with an attorney that has a background in landlord-tenant law.

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carly

There’s an attorney involved. The smoke detector was an old one for a heating unit that was removed. They forgot about it when they redid the ceiling and it didn’t make its presence known until the battery started to die!

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Jessica Alvarez

Such a relatable and true post for anyone in their mid/upper-20s!! Thank you for always being so real with your readers, even if the words don’t always flow ~perfectly.~ These kind of posts help make the internet a better place 🙂

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Emily

I have no idea whether you’re an astrology person or not, but my friends and I have been talking about Saturn Return lately (basically when Saturn returns to the same sign in was in when you were born, which takes 27-29 years). It’s another lens through which to examine the feeling that all of our lives are entering new phases, and we’re being forced to confront what that means–and what we want it to mean.

tl;dr, pretty much every one of my late-20s friends is also staring down life transitions, whether in their personal lives or their careers. It’s hard, but it’s helpful to know we’re in it together.

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Janis Lyn Johnson

Carly, I have never felt you were phoning it in. Ever. I was just telling my husband, in fact, how much I admire you, your work ethic, and what a great writer you are—and at such a young age. (I don’t think people realize what a talent it is to make writing about your life seem so easy.) I think you are going to be so much more successful than even you can imagine right now. If you ever wanted to (or somehow managed to find the time) I think you would do well writing books—fiction or non fiction. I’d buy anything you wrote, girl. Whatever or wherever you go from here, I and so many others are excited to go along with you, and cheer you on. Go Carly girl! ~ Janis from Florida

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Tory

Girl, I feel you! I decided at the ripe old age of 30 to quit my job and go back to school to pursue a career in teaching. It’s been a goal and dream of mine for many years, but entering into a 2 year program and not earning any income means life for my husband and I has been put on hold. Most of our friends own their own home, we still rent, and many of them already have multiple children, some of them have complete families while we’ve had to put all of that on hold. I am so excited at our future, but it still seems so far away. It seems like every day I learn of another friend who’s purchased a home, announced their pregnancy, or even welcomed a new baby into their family. Like you, I am overjoyed for them, but I can’t help but feel sad that I’m not experiencing that yet. I know I made the decision to go back to school now, and I know that was the right decision for me, my husband, and our future family, but it’s still hard to see people have the things you want and know you can’t have, at least not yet. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us and best of luck with the new apartment!

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Mallory

Carly – we’ve all been there. Life has it’s ups and downs. And it’s entirely possible to be thrilled for a friend’s success (however you define that) while simultaneously feeling down on your own situation. And I feel exactly the same way as you about your place – it’s your home and you want it to feel that way ESPECIALLY when loved ones are far away. I know it’s hard, but remind yourself that it’s temporary (both the space and friends differing life stages) and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It won’t be like this forever. I found that when I went through a VERY similar situation, I had to find ways to make the space feel even more home-y; although it cost more, I picked up a few extra things that I knew would only fit that space, but helped my mood and sense of home while I was there. And inviting people over always helps to fill a home with extra love. Spring and summer are around the corner – maybe use that loved outdoor space as your other office? Sending you positive vibes and know it will get better!

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Lizzy

Thanks for sharing and being honest/vulnerable about things! This is so relatable for all of us because we all go through these seasons. I, too, have feelings of wanting to fast forward to X, Y or Z in life and then I have to remind myself to be present and grateful for where I am now and that I don’t need to rush to the next chapter/thing. Everything will fall into place and you are killing it in many ways! xo

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Jennifer

The late-20s, early-30s are such a wonderful time, but this is exactly how I feel all the time. In many areas I feel like I am excelling and in many areas I feel like I am so far behind. I read an amazing quote the other day: “Remember when you wanted what you currently have?” It really put things into perspective for that I have everything that I have right now because I wanted it. If I want something to be different or better in my life, I just have to want that too. We are capable of so much more than we realize. Put it out to The Universe and it will deliver!

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Molly

Thank you so much for sharing–it’s so relatable! Someone once told me the idea of the “both/and”, which can be applied to anything but is primarily about equally holding two conflicting emotions or beliefs. It’s totally okay to be both excited for AND be jealous of your friends (jealousy might not be the best word here but you get the point!) I too am at a sort of “life crossroads” and my friends seem to have everything figured out. It’s tough! I will say though, I don’t think you’ve been phoning it in on the blog and as always, from our vantage point it looks like you’re killing it. Thank you for keeping it real.

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Allie

I relate to this so much right now!! Thank you for this post, and the reminder that it is a temporary feeling!

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Avenlea Bixby

I just prayed for you, Carly!
Here is a Bible verse that I find encouraging.
Psalm 28:7 “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.”

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Phoebe

Hi Carly,
I don’t usually comment on posts but I’ve been following for four years now. I love when you share these more vulnerable thoughts of yours, and I just wanted to say that the way you handle your feelings is so mature and constructive. Being able to assess what you’re feeling and share it with however many thousands of us are reading is so brave of you. You may feel stuck now, but just know that there are so many of us who admire your sincerity, tenacity, and courage.

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Ann

Love this!! Thank you for being honest and real. A lot of the time social media can be hard because it seems like everyone else has a perfect life except you when thats usually not the case.

You’re the best!!!!

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Eva

Thank you for sharing this, I know how hard it can be to be real. You’re a beautiful soul and don’t every lose sight of all you’ve accomplished and all the places you are headed. My favorite book lately has been Cheryl Strayed’s Dear Sugar, and in it she has an advice piece she wrote about jealousy called We Are All Savages. I think about it whenever I’m comparing myself to others and it’s made it better. Read it here: http://therumpus.net/2011/03/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-69-we-are-all-savages-inside/

Anyway, you’re doing great! I’m so far behind where I’ve wanted to be in life after a few years of depression, false starts, and fear, but I’m holding on. Just focus on each day and doing YOUR best – not anyone elses.

Lots of love,
Eva

P.S. Greetings from Montclair!
Eva | http://www.shessobright.com

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Lee

I remember being in school, single, broke and struggling with apartment issues while my friends were all “succeeding,” whether it was getting married, pregnant, getting amazing jobs, etc. Since then, many have gotten divorced, had fertility issues, job layoffs, you name it. Moral of the story is, life is a marathon and someone’s “perfect” life may not be so perfect or end up as perfectly as it’s bejng betrayed. Focus on you and what you want to do in life, and you will succeed and be happy!

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Sarah

Thank you thank you thank you for putting these feelings into words! I’m in the same place with all of my friends starting their successeful careers and moving to amazing places while I feel completely stalled in both my location and my career. I look up to bloggers like you and Julia so much because you are starting your own businesses from the ground up and you put so much work into what you do. It’s refreshing to see that even woman I aspire to be can share my same struggles.

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Meems

I get the need for home base. It is #1. I know the move to NJ was huge and am frustrated for you that the new place is not working out. I pray that you find the perfect spot to “nest” with your clan and work as well. It needs to serve both purposes for you to function as a human being.

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JAM

I’m an avid Instagram follower but don’t read your blog as regularly – I clicked for some reason today, and I have to say it was really refreshing to dig into your honest portrayal of life behind the scenes not being as glamorous as it always appears (barking dogs and leaks). I’ve felt jealousy of friends seemingly “easy” careers and life milestones before, it’s constanly challenging to compare yourself and then discourage yourself from holding your accomplishments to a foreign measurement stick. Thanks for reminding us that even “champagne” problems can make everything feel tough some days, and everyone’s challenges are relative.

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Lauren Carlson

Thanks for sharing! I feel like I’m in a very similar place right now!

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Phoebe

I can totally relate – I think everybody feels this way at certain points in life. I also think it’s important to share this! I’m always glad for posts like this because it puts it out there for all of us that if we are feeling this way, we’re not alone. I’ll be sending some good vibes your way for your apartment! Hoping it starts feeling more like your home soon!

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Kelly

I have been a long time follower but admittedly I don’t always read every post since I keep up fairly well with your socials (and now YouTube!). But I just wanted to pop on and say that whenever I do sit down to read, you just nail it every time. This post resonated so much with me (like so many of your others!).

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Claire

Love the post. And you’re not alone with how you’re feeling! It’s definitely hard not to compare where you are in life compared to your friends. Sometimes you have to take a step back and think you’re exactly where you need to be at this moment. You appear to be doing an excellent job keeping it positive even though things might be a little messy. You got this! Sending postivie vibes you’re way.

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Chrissy

Carly, you’re one of my favorite bloggers and over the years, as other ones come and go on my personal radar, I always check in with you. It’s clear that there’s an arc to your storyline and growth/momentum in a positive direction, which is fun to watch. I’m a few years older and I went through the stage where everyone around me was buying houses, getting married, and having babies. Now I’m watching something a little different- the divorce stage. I’m not saying this because I’m pleased about it but it’s a bit of perspective because I think a LOT of people get swept up in the stages and don’t even consider whether the timing or person is right for them. Going at your own pace, and listening to your own voice, is so important and you seem to consider that. I think that’s why your 30s can feel so good- it’s all jumbled up a bit and some people are starting over even, and you start to realize no one has it figured out or the perfect life. It’s very liberating.

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Melissa

I hope things turn around for you apartment wise! That is never a fun situation. I own my home, and sometimes I wish I was still in an apartment, especially when my fridge and dishwasher are on their way to kick the bucket, lol.

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Hayley

I think all of us can relate to this in some way. I love watching my friend’s succeed, but occasionally it can lead to me feeling lesser than. That’s life, and I handle it, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
As for the blog, I always look forward to reading your posts and I believe it when you say this only accounts for 5% of the work you put in. Keep it up because we appreciate it, and you, so much! This is a wonderful business you’ve created for yourself.

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Michelle

Thanks for this post, Carly. Writing is my job while I’m in grad school and it’s become increasingly hard to tease out my worth from my studies or the business I’m trying to build. Those things seem so inseparable sometimes. I’m at the point too where my friends are doing incredible things – buying homes, getting married, having kids, graduating with degrees I’m still working on – and, although I love celebrating their successes, it’s true that these big life leaps make my successes feel painfully small. So I’ve been trying to celebrate the small things: another deadline made or a funding award earned for the next semester. I hope you find little things to celebrate and a place you can truly call home soon too.

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Kiely

Hi Carly,
I’ve been a reader for almost six years now and have so rarely commented- but today’s post really resonated with me. I am a recent graduate with a job I am not in love with living back at home- so definitely understand feeling as though you’re stuck in time while it feels as though all the people around you are plunging ahead. And champagne problems, man. It’s so hard finding the balance between validating my feelings of being less-than-thrilled with my situation and appreciating that, objectively, I truly am in a great place with great people supporting me.
I find it helps to give myself daily (or hourly, sometimes!) reminders that things tend to look much shinier on the outside, and that all I typically see or hear is what that person is choosing to present to the world rather than the whole picture.

I wanted to thank you for taking the time to write these more personal posts because it does help remind me that everyone in the world has things they’re dealing with, despite it seeming that things on their end are perfect. Your honesty and transparency with everything you write about is so great, and has been a real help to me the past six years with everything from Bean boots to dealing with anxiety.
So sending you good vibes for your apartment- hang in there! You’ll get through it.

-Kiely

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Cherry

I just wanted to say thank you for writing this. I’m in a bit of a similar situation . I’m in my final year of uni and months away from finishing. It’s so difficult because everyone has different plans for after uni, a lot of my friends are going travelling which is not an option for me and it’s not that I’m jealous of going travelling but I’m jealous that they have an answer to the questions everyone is asking. Other friends have had job offers/interviews or accepted jobs and I feel so left behind! I keep applying for jobs and fingers crossed but it is so so hard not to compare yourself.

If you decide you want someone to work for you from England, I’m your girl!

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Ali Koch

Damn Daniel! The amazing comments you’re inspiring is proof enough of how powerful you are. Everyone agrees 1) that these kinds of vulnerable and real life posts make your readers closer to you 2) that we all think you’re amaze balls and 3) that what you have here on this website is one of a kind. No where else have I read such supportive and kind words in a comment section! We love you Carl and know you are capable of whatever your heart desires ❤️

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Amber

I can relate to this so much! Thanks for such a refreshingly honest post. I’ve felt the same for a bit-even on the apartment front. So it’s nice to hear I’m not the only one.

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Kylie W

You are not alone! Thanks for sharing. Your vulnerable, from-the-heart posts are some of my favorites. Hang in there!

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Tsrobin

I feel honored for you to share with us! Thanks for being so honest. Your blog is a true representation of the great person you are.

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