lifestyle

On My Radar

Gosh, guys. This has been one of the best weeks. I had really been feeling burnt out and just kind of down. No one big thing but a bunch of little things that had all added up to an overall feeling of uneasiness. I booked that weekend trip to Ocean House and came back to NJ to hang out with my boyfriend’s sisters. It was pretty much just what the doctor ordered, made even better knowing I had a short “regular” week before flying down to Florida to be with my family. One of the downsides of being able to work from anywhere means that I can, well, work from anywhere. I didn’t get to completely disconnect (at one point, I even answered emails at the Gasparilla Inn beach club for a few hours!), but it still felt like a pretty great vacation. I’m going to have to do a little recap post because I fit in so many fun things!

No joke, I feel like I’ve been here for a month… and it’s even longer because my flight home last night got canceled so I booked the next flight out today.

Gasparilla Inn

Hat // Bathing Suit // Similar Beach Bag

ONE // Sunscreen

I’m a huge stickler for sunscreen and being sun safe. But I’m also not perfect. I made a big mistake this week while at the beach… I tried a new sunscreen. It didn’t work and I’m so mad at myself for not just using what I know works. Supergoop’s “Everyday Sunscreen” is my favorite for full body coverage. I even have the giant pump version at home that I use every morning. I had both a bottle of that and their new oil version. I was so excited to try the oil but it was a MAJOR FAIL. Do not buy*!!! I wish I had stuck with the classic lotion. I ended up with a pretty bad burn on my legs and chest (thankfully I was wearing a one piece and was only out from under the umbrella for about an hour).

* I’ve read reviews of people LOVING it and I have also found a few where people had the same experience as I did. I feel like I might have gotten a “bad batch” or something, but I personally wouldn’t risk it again.

TWO // “Yanny” vs “Laurel”

I have tried listening to this a dozen times and I have only heard “Laurel.” What do you hear?!?!

THREE // Gingham Handbag

I swung by the offices of Neely and Chloe last week and picked up this little gingham bag. I have been carrying the white version almost non-stop since they gave it to me. The gingham is such a fun summer touch and looks great with white jeans and dresses!

FOUR // Roberta Roller Rabbit Bedding

How beautiful is this Roberta Roller Rabbit bedding? I have a quilt that I bought years ago from Rue La La. Every time I post it somewhere on social I get inundated with questions about where it’s from. I have yet to find an exact option, but the Roberta Roller Rabbit quilts/bedding comes close!

FIVE // How Have You Made Friends as an Adult?

This isn’t something that was “on my radar,” but it’s something that I have been thinking about quite a bit. I want to do a big roundup-esque post with tips… So let me know in a comment on today’s post with a story of how you’ve made a friend as an adult! (It’s so scary/hard I’m sure there are some success stories out there!!!)

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83 Comments

Michael @ Mile in My Glasses

I am so sorry that you got stung by the new suncream, that sucks when that happens!! Also, I totally hear both Yanny and Laurel if I listen to it enough times! That might be because I originally heard Yanny though then my boyfriend kept repeating how he was hearing Laurel in time with it so now I see where both people are picking it up!! Haha! Though he refused to admit that Yanny was in there at all when I was repeating it!! Hahaha!!

I hope you’re having a lovely Friday,
Michael
https://www.mileinmyglasses.com

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Kendal

Your insta stories on the beach are so relaxing! It makes me so excited to visit my family in Florida over Memorial Day Weekend. Somehow I hear both Laurel and Yanny? I have no clue how that happens.

Kendal / Life With Kendal

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carly

Ah ! Thanks- she’s one of my daily reads, but I’ve been behind on blog reading while down in FL

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Nicola Adam

I also read that CoJ post! I think the most recent way I have made friends as an adult is getting back into dance! A few years back I found an incredible ballet teacher who was on a mission to open an adult dance studio that was more about fun than it was about competition, basically all of the great parts about dance with none of the negatives. And she did it! I take class about 3 times a week now and it has been such a joy being back in a dance studio, and I have found such a fantastic tribe of girls! I guess it goes for any sort of activity…gym, sports teams, art classes, whatever…getting out to do something you love is always good and a total bonus when it leads to like-minded people and new friends!

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Tiffany

This is my dream! I would love to find a similar studio where I live.

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Natalie

Hi Carly! I was literally just thinking about making friends as an adult last night. It really is so hard! I picked up a shift to work the front desk and flip the room at a local yoga studio because I get to take classes for free out of it and it is a pretty easy, low commitment gig. That was obviously a great perk, but I never imagined how close I would get to the people I was working with at the studio! One of the girls who worked at the front desk with me quit a little while ago, but we still see each other almost every week! I’m definitely planning on joining a (low athleticism…)rec sports league or another group and hopefully will meet some more adult friends that way. Have a great weekend. 🙂

Natalie
sincerelynatty.com

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Sally

So glad you mentioned that supergoop oil because I literally just got that for my beach trip this weekend! I’ll keep an extra close eye if I use it lol

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Jennifer Sims

Hey Carly, making adult friends is such a struggle especially if you move somewhere, where the “locals” have been friends for generations. I have found learning about people’s pasts…,asking questions about their childhood, school life, middle school dances, high school football games, family traditions, their college days….provides a sense of “established history” even if you weren’t around. Why was it so easy to make friends in college? Doing life together, day in and day out, you were creating history together, naturally, organically. As an adult my schedule just doesn’t allow for that type of bonding, so being intentional about learning about their past over a cup of coffee, allows the friendship to blossom over shared experiences. You learn what shaped them to whom they have become today as an adult. Do more listening then talking. 😌

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Amber

When I moved to my new city I didn’t really know anybody! (And all of my new co-workers were twice my age.) That was a big let down. So I met my now great friend on an app (bumble bff). But I seriously had run out of ideas and had no idea how to meet new people. If I hadn’t met some new friends on the app I would’ve joined an adult kickball league in our city. I figured it was a great way to meet people and also not worry about my athletic abilities-since it is kickball after all. But I was way too nervous to do it alone.

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An Historian

I actually wrote about making friends as an adult last summer! https://anhistorianabouttown.com/2017/08/27/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult/
I find that for me at least, it has to be pretty regular contact to make friends now. Other than alum from my sorority, I’ve met one of my best friends at the dog park- our dogs play together at the same time every week, and we slowly starting hanging out more and more over the years! I’ve also made fantastic friends through ballet; I went back to taking advanced adult classes and have been attending all events with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet, and I’ve met some wonderful people. I would give Meet Up a try ☺

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Nicola Adam

Wow, so funny, I just posted a comment here before I read yours and mine was also about getting back into dance! Also I am from Winnipeg (but live in Vancouver now) and grew up taking classes at the RWB! Small world!

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An Historian

The world is tiny, especially Winnipeg haha! There are SO MANY people I meet as an adult that it turns out we competed against each other at Festival or they came to take an exam at the studio, it’s less than a degree of separation at this point 🤣

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Allie

It’s amazing what only a couple of two seats can do to one headspace! I think the brain needs a change of pace to refocus and get put of ruts, and new scenery helps with that. The gingham handbag is darling , I love the yellow! Happy Friday, xAllie
http://www.theallthatglittersblog.com

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Malinda

This might sound kind of lame, but I made a friend as an adult through Bumble BFF. It’s just like the dating app where you swipe left or right, but it’s for making friends. I met up with two people through the app, one for brunch and one for wine and fondue (there’s a cute fondue place in my town that does Ladies Night on Wednesdays with just cheese and chocolate). I didn’t really click with the girl that I got brunch with, but I’m now friends with the girl that I got fondue with.

Cheers,
Malinda
https://pearlspinotandparmesan.blogspot.com/

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Amy

This is a long one.. but I swear this works!!! 🙂

My fiancé and I have moved states four times together, and in this last move I think we’ve really mastered the art of “making friends as adults.” I definitely consider myself reserved(/introverted/ambiverted/whatever means I’m not generally outgoing), but when we realized this last move would be our final for the foreseeable future, I went down a bit of a “Facebook Rabbit Hole” finding every business and event in our area that interested me, and those we great places to meet people. It was very isolating not making friends in the other places we lived, and I knew this needed to change. Our experience has been that there are more people in the same situation than you would expect. He joined several community sports teams (hockey, kickball, baseball – our area even has a social flip cup league, haha!) and made many friends that way.

I didn’t want all of my new friends to be the significant others of his friends, so an easy thing I found to be an ice breaker was to speak on things I noticed and liked about other women at the events or coffee shops or stores I went to.That way I could also make my own friend group.
Compliments are great ice breakers (especially when given sincerely) and if they’re already in a place that you sought out on your own based on your interests/preferences, you probably at least have that store/restaurant/event in common! My formula (sorry, Type A here, and this has worked pretty well) is: Speak on the good you see on or about someone (re: sincere compliments!!), and follow up with something along the lines of “Hey, I’m new to the area, any suggestions on places I should check out?” (or any general question that can 1: give you valuable intel about your new city and 2: alert the person to the fact that you’re new! If they are or have been in the same situation, I’ve found they are very willing to make follow up plans, and if not, you could’ve found yourself a local who might want to show off their city to you.). Women are way more kind and supportive of each other than we give ourselves credit for. It’s absolutely uncomfortable to initiate conversation with strangers, but I’ve found this to be an easy way to start (and as with everything – the more you practice, the more easy and effortless it begins to feel)! I’ve made quite a few friends this way at different events (running club, beer festivals, etc.), classes (signed up for a wreath-making class at Christmas where I met some great girls), and evening just going downtown alone and chatting with the cashiers or other women who were shopping or people watching like I was.

Word of caution though with my “method” (haha): be prepared for friend break-ups! If you put yourself out there enough, you will meet people who make a great first impression, but you learn as the friendship progresses that maybe this isn’t something that’s right for you. Manners go a long way when severing the ties – but remember, you don’t owe them anything and don’t want to get stuck feeling obligated to be someone’s friend who does not contribute positively to your life!!

Whew- that was long, sorry!!! I hope this helps. I rarely comment on blogs but this is really something that I have struggled with (4 times, hah!) and I found this technique to be so helpful, even for people with more reserved/timid personalities. I now have a great group of gal pals and it really makes a difference in loving where you live. Some of the girls in my group also had luck with Bumble BFF, but I did not, but everything with a grain of salt! Your experience might be different.

Hope this helps! I’m too “Type-A” for my own good and love a good solution-oriented plan.. even when making friends! haha!

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Leah

So glad you were able to get away for a little while even if it burned you just a bit!!

Making friends as an adult is hard! However, when I looked outside of my “normal” age range for friends (I’m 28), I found a perfect match. I joined a running club a few years ago and my pace matched the pace of a mom in her late 30s. We talked about everything during our runs to pass the time – her kids, relationships, books we’d read or wanted to read – and started meeting to run on additional days outside of the normal club runs. Now we make regular friend dates to museums or to just try new things in our area. It’s been a blessing to have her as a friend because she’s been able to offer advice or insight on things I’m experiencing as a newlywed and on the flip side, she says I make her feel “young.”

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M

Different age friends are SO amazing. I’m 28 and in grad school, not married/engaged, and very happy to be enjoying my immaturity, but I have an amazing friend I met through work who is in her early 40s. She makes me laugh so hard and we can talk about anything (sense of humor knows no age!). She gives me great advice, helps me understand what my mom is thinking, etc. She treats me to nice wine or dinner, and I always wonder what she’s getting out of the relationship, but she says I keep her young. Now I’ve met and even babysat for her friends and she’s met my mom and loves her. Our friendship is unique but amazing

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CB

After moving to a new city (where I knew literally one person and was going to be working from home) , I used a “friend dating” app called Hey!Vina. I only went on a couple of dates but ending up making one really great friend (and then becoming friends with her circle of people foo!). I’m moving to a new city in a few weeks and will definitely try it again. My husband has more success with using Meetup, if groups are more your style.

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Kristie C.

It’s really nice to see you happy and on vacation! You deserve it!

In regards to making friends as an adult, I’ve met a lot of my friends through work socials, taking classes, volunteer work as a crew coach, and Reddit Meet Ups! I moved to NY and didn’t know anyone so I did a Reddit NYC Girls Meetup and one for a sports team I’m a fan of and now we all hang out on a regular basis.

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Jenn Frisbee

Hi Carly,

I made a best friend as an adult – it was super scary and so much more like dating as an adult than making friends in school. I started going to a new gym, and she was one of the trainers there. I came home after meeting her and announced that I had met this really cool girl, and that I really wanted her to be my friend, but that she was probably too cool to hang out with me. I didn’t know at the time, she was new to Atlanta and wanting to make friends too. I started coming only to her classes (or if I’d sign up and not be in her class, she would move me to her class) – and we’d chat and hang out at the gym. It went on like that for like 5 or 6 months; one day we finally grabbed lunch outside of the gym and really hit it off – we slowly started hanging out more, and before you knew it, we were connected at the hip. She was one of the bridesmaids in my wedding this past November. Putting yourself out there to make new friends as an adult is SUPER scary (especially if it’s not at work or school), but SO SO worth it!

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Ally

I’ve joined a Sport & Social league in my city. I did some “learn to play” clinics, and met people there, as well as just signing up as an individual to be matched with other people to play on a team.

I’ve also done group fitness classes. My sister volunteers and has made many friends that way!

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Katie

Totally relate on the sunscreen. I got a bad batch one time, put it on every hour, left with 2nd degree burns. It was awful.

I think one thing that has really helped me make friends as an adult is 1. Just asking to meet up. I will often meet someone and think we would have a lot in common, so I’ll just ask if they would like to meet for coffee. And 2. Just being authentic. I think adults really appreciate someone who is honest and real. Someone they can relate to whether it’s about family, marriage, work, kids, friendship, whatever they just want authenticity.

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Cierra

I agree with how scary and hard it is to make friends as an adult. I don’t have any tips, but I look forward to your post!

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Katherine

Would love to read a blog post on number 5! My husband and I have a pretty solid friend group, but most of our friends are people we met through school at some point that either were already living in DC or moved to DC. I’ve also discovered that we’ve become good acquaintances with friends of our friends, which makes for fun group outings, but not necessarily 1:1 hangouts.

I honestly think making friends as an adult requires a certain level of boldness (that I don’t quite have!). Boldness to either invite a new friend to hangout or be invited to hangout. I have found it really difficult! But friends of mine have made adult friends through things like writing groups and yoga classes.

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Jessica

I’ve heard both Laurel and Yanny…not sure what that means?
Due to my husbands job, I move pretty frequently. In fact, we are getting ready to move again in a couple of months. I have found the best way to meet friends is through my hobbies, and my dog. I’ve met several people in our buildings dog run, and out on walks. I also meet people through book club, and believe it or not, knitting. Knitters tend to be pretty social, and pretty much every city and small town has a knitting group. It takes time and effort to cultivate friendships, and a previous commenter had it right when she said “do more listening than talking”! So true…at any age!

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Paulina Angeles

“Laurel”… but when they change the pich of the recording (I guess) I can hear Yanni… weird…

New friends as an adult, not much, mu best friends keep being my friends from 9th grade, few friends I made at work but its hard to maintain close after you are no longer working with them, I haven’t been able to make a friend since I moved to Tulsa 4 years ago, I wish I had one since I’m from Mexico and my family is not here with me.

Love the blog and the new youtube videos!!

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Kelli Johnson

Hi Carly!

Glad to hear you’re enjoying your last few hours in Tampa. I always feel recharged and ready for any challenge after some time at home.

To your question about making friends as an adult: I’ve always been very outgoing but my one sure fire way to make friends as an adult is to introduce myself at a class. It could be an exercise class, a cooking class, really any group activity. The shared experience is a good test drive to see if being friends is a good idea.

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Natalie

Making friends as an adult… that’s a tough one. Other than a best friend I made at work, my best made-as-an-adult friend I met at a class I was taking in the evenings outside of work. We are still super close three years later. Also, joining a charity organization (I joined the Junior League since it’s all women) has introduced me to so many more women and I’ve made some good friends that way. The final and best way has just been friends of friends, so my friends and I try to have friend group mergers where we all get together. Then we all leave with more friends!

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Mia

I also listened to the Laurel/Yanny recording many many times and can only hear Laurel! One way I’ve made friends as adults is just “sliding into their DM’s” on instagram! I’ve done it a couple of times and people are usually so open and love the idea! Then just meeting up for coffee/a drink and the rest is, well, history! I’m actually going to be living with my friend who I met on instagram about a year ago!

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Ally Stuart

The #1 way that I’ve made friends as an adult is through fandom. I’ve met some of the most amazing people I know through our shared love of TV shows (Supernatural, The Vampire Diaries, Wynonna Earp, and Once Upon a Time, respectively) and through my love of Disney, superheroes, Universal Monsters, and pop punk. Having a shared passion and engaging about it (eg: joining Twitter discussions, blogging about it, and attending conventions) often helps to bridge the gap and lessen some anxiety for me, personally, because I find it really easy to ‘nerd out’.

If ‘nerd stuff’ isn’t your thing, find people who love what you love (fashion, home decor, reading, podcasts, Netflix) and connect with them about it. Share what you love and what you’re passionate about. It’ll give you common ground and help the path toward friendship seem like way less of a daunting, uphill hike!

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Alesya

In school, you have so much in common with everyone because you’re all doing the exact same thing. As an adult I’ve worked to avoid dismissing a possible friendship because we don’t have enough in common. Kids the same age, the love of a dry martini or good piece of pizza is enough!

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Chelsey

Hi Carly! In regards to meeting friends as an adult… I moved to a new state and started a new job at a Childrens Hospital. I luckily hit it off right away with my night shift crew and we have been inseparable since! We go to happy hour together, plan pool parties, and have one big snapchat group that we are constantly talking on. It makes going to work so much better knowing my true friends will be there with me!!

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Arielís

Does the Supergoop sunscreen leave that distinctive smell that all sunscreens have? Does it feel sticky? I walk every day to campus so there is no chance I can get away from sun. I’ve been searching for a sunscreen that doesn’t have that smell that reminds everybody of the beach and doesn’t have that sticky feeling, so I can use it in an everyday basis.

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Alexan

My girlfriend moved up to NC from Miami last October (after we were long-distance for a year) and she and I have been exploring ways to make friends as a couple and grow some roots in my town. We have become active in our church’s “Missional Community” (basically getting together and having dinner every other week). We have been really intentional about finding different groups and communities! We just signed up for a flag football league for this summer to branch out and meet new people, and have some fun in the process!

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Zoe

When I graduated from college, I moved to a new city halfway across the country to be with my fiance and I didn’t know anyone there except him and his family! Work wasn’t an option for meeting friends, either, because I worked as a secretary for one person- it was always just us in the office. So I got involved with our town’s Chamber of Commerce and that’s how I met all the friends I became close to! Sounds nerdy but it’s actually a great way to meet people who are as motivated in work as you are while still having some different interests. Now I’ve moved back to my home state and am in grad school. My grad school friends are great, but I thrive off of having different friend groups so I’ve been using Bumble BFF. I haven’t met anyone that I’ve consistently hung out with, but the few girls I’ve gone on “friend dates” with have been lovely. I think if I wasn’t in grad school + working I’d have more time to work on those relationships!

Making friends outside of college is certainly challenging!

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Harriet

I had my first “real” job this year so pretty much count myself as an adult!! Managed to make a friend by chatting to a girl I met a work (although she was in a different department, we met at a training day) who was also new to the area. We found out we both wanted to find a gym and had similar requirements so we decided to find one together. It was a great way to become friends because we started off just meeting a couple of times a week for a gym session, then once we got to know each other more we met up for other activities. It’s funny because now we hardly ever workout together, but we see each other all the time for other things!

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Clark

Making friends as an adult is hard! I moved to a new, transient city after graduating law school and its taken a solid 3 years to form a friend “group” rather than just “I get lunch with _” and “I do this with _.”

Besides the obvious “say yes to everything” advise, I started planning a monthly happy hour earlier this year and inviting everyone I knew and encouraging them to invite their friends. Pick a recurring date (ex. the first Thurs of every month), select a new spot each month, and text everyone you know about a week out. Make sure they know they can invite whoever! It’s so much less pressure than the dreaded “friend date” (ask someone you barely know to drinks to see if you click as friends and figure out where y’all fit into eachother’s lives).

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Chelsey Nelson

I met a good friend after moving to a new city by going to a Rising Tide Society meeting. I was just starting my creative business (and so was she). We were at similar stages in both life and business so we pretty much just hit it off! Then we realized both our husbands attended the same seminary in town. It was meant to be, but it started by going to a meeting where I knew no one but trusted I might make a friend since we already had something in common!

🙂
Chelsey
http://www.chelseynelson.com

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Allie

2. I only hear Yanny! SO FASCINATING!
5. Making friends as an adult hasn’t been too hard for me. What’s been hard is knowing who to invest the limited time I have in. I have friends I have made through jobs, workout studio, and literally the shared bathroom on my office’s floor (different company). There are plenty of great people out there. But with limited time, you have to think about who to invest your time in and be consistent. Remind yourself to follow up or make plans with them for the next time to meet. One thing that HAS been hard is making friends as a couple. Both my husband and I have friends from our own walks of life, but very few that we made from scratch as a couple. We are dog people for sure and have a goldendoodle – I am magnetically drawn to dogs, but particularly doodles, wherever we go. We went to patio bar with a huge group of friends and then wound up sitting down with a couple with a goldendoodle based on just fawning over their pup. Now we get together once a month the four of us. It’s really nice that it is not “your friend” or “my friend,” but our friend. We are trying to do more of that and would love ideas on how others make “couple friends.”

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Christine S.

I hear “Laurel” so clearly and only heard “Yanny” when I slid the NYT tool all the way in the “Yanny” direction. Team Laurel 100%!

I’m moving from New York to DC this fall and will have to make new friends, which is going to suck. I’m excited to see a post with tips. I’ve had luck making friends previously through work (so I guess local bloggers for people in your profession?) and at the gym, which I’m hoping to do again once I switch offices at my firm. I made tons of friends as an adult while in law school, but obviously the school bubble is very different and is conducive to making good friends!

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Christen

I’m 28 and just moved to a new city right at two years ago… my closest friend here is one that I made through Bumble BFF! Its just like regular bumble/tinder for dating but is exclusively for friend finding.

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Nicole

Making friends as an adult is impossible. I am an introvert and shy. I am not a people person either, so I’m at a loss and very lonely.

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Elizabeth

Some of my closest friends in NYC (that I’ve made as an up and coming grown-up) have come through work. And, more often than not, the bonding has come through the experience of navigating really intense and high stakes situations (hilariously short deadline, unruly co-workers, prepping for the event of the year, etc.) These pieces of the job that can feel like hell have been made so much more bearable by supportive co-workers who had my back (and vice versa). And tough work moments oftentimes provide space to be vulnerable both personally and professionally (aka the glue of friendship) which has, more than once, taken a work friendship out of the office and into the real world.

However! Also feels important to mention that I’ve made a couple of really great friends in NYC via the generosity of friends who live elsewhere. When I moved to NYC I was starting at the bottom in terms of community. So many friends from my hometown and college offered to introduce me to their own friends who already lived in the city. And every single one of those new intros said yes to coffee or a drink. It’s something I’ll never forget and has made me really aware of paying it forward if I’m asked to connect with someone who’s just moved here. Moving and making new friends as an adult can be terrifying and so isolating – we need all the help we can get.

P.S. – Carly, I actually e-mailed you about how to make friends in NYC when I first moved here five (!) years ago. Was so fun to think about how things have changed since I first (desperately tbh) reached out!

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Clare

1. It’s definitely Yanny, I have no idea how anyone can hear Laurel! 2. That gingham bag is SO cute 3. I’m glad you got to take a vacation 🙂

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Tina

This will sound a little silly, but I basically had people set me up on friend-blind-dates! When I graduated from law school, all of my close girlfriends moved to New York, while I stayed in DC (I’m still a little bitter…). Thankfully, people seem to always have a friend/cousin/old roommate/etc. moving here, so I’d offer to meet up with them for coffee and chat about living here. I’ve made some of my best friends this way. This could definitely be translated to other cities and you know you have a mutual friend, so you already have something in common.

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Melissa

Laurel, all the way. And, I’ve mostly met friends through work, through involvement at my church (I go to a large church and getting involved definitely makes it feel smaller and helps build “community), and through other friends! You’re so right, though. It’s hard to put yourself out there!

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Sarah

I made new adult friends by changing jobs. I work pretty intense hours so don’t get the opportunity to meet people outside of work. Daily coffee runs and chats then expands into dinner or weekend activities and then, if either of you leave that workplace, you can keep the “outside work” friendship alive.

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Abby

As an adult, I’ve made friends by putting myself out there and getting involved in different groups and organizations. I joined Junior League and met all kinds of women who share my love of our community. Through JL, I met a friend who invited me to join a new book club and we are goinging on two years together. Also, I have gotten involved in local politics and met many great new friends. Sometimes you need to get outside your comfort zone!

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Amy

Everyone’s comments on making adult friends are so inspiring, I got so many new ideas! It could not have come at a better time for me- I just moved across the country for the second time in my 20’s, this time to Northern Colorado. I’m pretty introverted, and I never really made my own friends (just had lots of “couple friends” with my BF) in my last city, so this has inspired me to get out there in my new home and change that! Love some of the ideas in the comments, I don’t know how I never heard of Bumble BFF until now. I’m also going to try my sorority’s local alumnae chapter, a drinking book club at the local library, and a local spin studio with happy hours/events after the classes. I can’t wait for the full post!

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Kel

I made friends in a new city by teaching a weekly exercise class at a gym. Women my age began coming every week and we started talking and now I have new friends! I know not everyone is an instructor but I do think frequenting the same fitness class, yoga studio etc is a great way to make friends who have a common interest. And – bonus – it holds you accountable to keep working on your fitness!

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Amber

I joined my local Junior League to make friends while I was making a difference in my community! I love our mission and the friends I’ve made a truly like family to me – they brought us meals when our son was born and even came to his first birthday party!

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Katie

As I’ve gotten older, I have found it to be so much easier to make friends than when I was younger. Although, I have not moved to a new town or out of state, so I am sure that would present it’s own challenges.

Most of my friends as an adult have developed slowly over a few months/years and I met than through mutual friends or adult events like church, Bible Study, or my gym I work out at.

For the most part, when I was younger I so badly wanted to be friends with the “cool” girls. No matter how rude they were, I just wanted to be their friend. Now I’m much more picky. I love love love people but I do get annoyed easily. So I really do choose people I click with easily. If I talk to them more than a few times and we just can’t seem to get a convo going to relate about anything, I just let it go and don’t get hung up on not being their friend. IDK how to explain it, I just know instantly as soon as I talk to someone if we will get along or not. I have tons of younger friends and I think it’s because I just like natural, easy and really fun adventurous friendships. So most of the people I become close with are just like that!

As weird as it sounds, I’ve made friends with people on Instagram ha! I am traveling to Hawaii in 3 weeks and I plan on meeting up with some. I know well instantly just be friends, and of course the friendship might not get seriously for months or even a year or so but that’s okay because I already have a solid friend group and can’t possibly add 10 more super BFF’s but often sometimes in new seasons, you meet new friends and other friends sort of fade when life changes. Not bad, just a natural way of life that I have learned to embrace.

Katie | http://www.sunshinestyleblog.com

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Renee

I’ve made some of my closest friends as an adult. I think part of it is understanding we all know making friends as an adult is awkward and sometimes uncomfortable. I had a good friend of mine reach out to me via Instagram and we chatted about something I posted she also liked. I knew my best friend through competing in pageants and then I went out on a limb one day and asked her to hang out away from the stage and now I couldn’t imagine my life without her! I’ve also met a lot of really great friends through work, but our friendship isn’t only about that. I always remind myself that if someone didn’t like my six year old self I said ok and moved on to someone else, I try to keep that mentality now even when making new friends as an adult!

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Alexandra

I love that you’re asking how people have made friends as adults. When I moved to Boston I had basically 3 groups of friends. 1. Those from school 2. My friends at work since I came into my job in a class of 45 analysts and a group of us became very close 3. Through joining a running club (great way to meet people with similar interests). BUT my favorite story is a friend I met in December on a bus to NYC. We sat next to each other and literally talked for almost 4 hours straight. She had recently moved to Boston and knew no one. We didn’t exchange numbers but had shown each other photos on Instagram so connected that way. A week later she had DMed me to get drinks and we’ve become super close friends!! We went on many “friend dates” and now meet regularly during the week for morning runs, dinner, drinks etc… We love telling everyone our “bus friend” story!!

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Cassidi

Making friends as an adult is so tough! I met my two closest friends at work. We don’t all work in the same department anymore, but hang out on weekends and for happy hour. I have also made friends through my gym! I think when you meet someone doing what you already enjoy, it’s a little easier because you have something to bond on.

And thanks for the heads up for the sunscreen!!

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Emma

I have legit no idea how to make friends as an adult, now out of school! It’s definitely scary, hard and kind of draining! I feel like the people I have made friends with throughout my education, just don’t have the same interests as me anymore! Let’s be adult friends Carly 💁🏼‍♀️

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Meg

I’ve made a lot of friends through social sports- there are even bocce leagues or skeeball leagues. I also work with a lot of people my age and got involved with my college alumni group.

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Bridget

I’ve recently made a friend on Hey! Vina- BUT I’ve had some negative experiences with it before making any friends.

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Andrea

My husband and I both love to golf. A few years back we decided to join a country club as junior members and we have made sooo many friends who are also jrs. Its a great mix too- other golfing couples, a group of guys for him and then us wives always get together so it’s always something different. Honestly it’s been one of our best decisions and it brings us joy/gives us something to do every weekend.

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Robyn

Being an adult is hard and making friends is sometimes even harder. I think being able to find common ground or interests with people allows you to let your guard down.

I joined a meet up group for knitters and have met many new friends. We have established places that we meet each week.

Craft groups, book clubs, gym classes are places I have met new pals.

Glad you had time to rest loved the sing a long with your sister in the car! I found myself singing along with you guys 🙂

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Meredith L

I have listed to the recording several times as well, and can only hear yanny. I tried to hear Laurel, but no luck lol. One of the toughest things for me as I grow older and further into my adult years is making friends. After college, I moved back home and most of my friends moved various places around the country. Of course there are people I work with, but most of them are my superiors and much older than I am so it doesn’t come natural for them to be friends I would hang out with outside of the office. Last year, I joined the local Junior League. It has been a great way to meet people and make new friends, and give back to my community via various programs. I also started taking group tennis lessons through the city parks and recreation program. I met several great people there and we have formed a team and started playing in the local tennis league, which has been a lot of fun!

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Caitlin

I feel like making friends as an adult is SO Much more challenging, definitely something I struggled with after leaving college. I’ve made friends through Bible Study and work, but also through hiking and friends of friends. It’s been interesting to see how friendships have formed out in the adult world, especially when you have to make more of an effort to see people.

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Allison

I’m really enjoying reading all of the other comments on making friends as an adult. I’m in community college and I struggle to find friends there because there aren’t any clubs or things like that. People just go to class and go home. No socializing of any kind, really. I feel alone because a lot of those people in college already have friends, and all of my friends left me and went away to college while I’m staying home. I don’t relate to anyone I work with at all, so that’s difficult as well. I’ve gotten a lot of great ideas though from other commenters so thanks!

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Caroline

I joined a running club and a professionals networking group! At both I walked up to people and said “Hi I’m new here!” and just started chatting. Definitely out of my comfort zone but it worked! I just kept telling myself the worst that can happen is they don’t want to be your friend, but that just means you wouldn’t have been friends anyway.

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Raphaela

I’ve been moving around a lot lately for work. (Just moved to NJ this week) So making adult friends can be tough and a little awkward. I always reccomend colleagues but in my situation that wasn’t a viable option. I tried bumble bff but that was very artificial. The only option that worked for me was meetups where I played cards weekly with a group of people. Also becoming a regular at restaurants/Starbucks I started getting familiar with other regulars. My biggest tip is it’s not going to happen overnight and just go with the flow!

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Kristie

I’m pretty much an introvert, so making friends as an adult has been so terrifying and completely out of my comfort zone. I have really pushed myself the past couple of years to make new friends. Some of my closet friends I have met at a local running club and also small group at church!

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Casey

I was just talking to one of my friends about how hard making friends as an adult is! He just moved to a new state for a job and is having a really hard time adjusting. I’ve met some newer friends through work, but other than that none really. A post on tips would be helpful to pass along!

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Samantha Spellman

I moved across country for a new job and was lucky enough to start at the same time as two lovely women my age and we really hit it off. One of them invited me to her church and I discovered they have very active LifeGroups so I joined one to meet new people. It was very awkward at first!! But I stuck it out and now I’ve got a delightful group of friends that I meet with at least once each week, sometimes more for extra social events!

Something I do still struggle with is KEEPING friends when I make them. Not that we fight or anything! But we start out hanging out a couple times a week, texting all the time, as new friends. Then slowly we’re hanging out once a week or every other week and only really texting when we need something or have something specific to say, not just to chat. I try keeping up with the friendships, sending funny things that reminded me of them or just saying ‘what’s up’ but I often find that it’s unreciprocated and they’re not trying as hard to maintain the friendship. It’s happened to me four times in the past year!

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Lauren

In regards to number 5….I joined the New York Junior League and have found myself surrounded by an amazing organization of women! About 10 of us have become really close and we are all brunching this afternoon!

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Victoria

Social sports are the best for meeting people, but also being a repeat customer at your favorite watering holes & eateries.
Whatever makes you happy, finding a social group that is involved with that!
I’m into wine so not only do I go to events but also love talking to bartenders, wine shop owners/attendants.
Come visit Hells Kitchen, we can be friends! 🙂
VB,
Wined Down NYC

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Bev

How I have made friends as an adult:
I had a baby!
Seriously. Mom world introduced me to so many people. From prenatal yoga to new mama class to educational programs for babies/toddlers…I have met so many incredible women. Best part? Our husbands get along and we have kids close in age.

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Jaz

I heard both “Yanny” and “Laurel” at first but as time went on I only heard “Laurel”. I think that’s because my ears were tuning out the higher tone that was saying “Yanny”. As far as making friends as an adult, work is one of the easiest ways to do that. Another great way is YP organizations! I joined one last year and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

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Holly Barnard

I started off post-undergrad life in the city I’d gone to college in–so spent my early and mid-twenties with the same huge wonderful friend group I’d known since I was 18. Then, I took off on a new adventure. While living in Rome for a year joining a dance studio was my savior– I learned the language and made my own friends (not just Americans I knew through work). When I moved back to the states I moved to Chicago and I started working as a server to supplement my income, but my friends I made in the industry ended up being some of the best friends I’ve found in the city. My side gig ended up being way more than just a second source of income. Going a low key running club also introduced me to a lot of great people in the city!

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Natalie Buckholdt

Making friends as an adult can be hard. I just recently moved to a new area and I am slowly but surely building friendships. One way that I made friends is through my church and through a mom group that I was able to connect with. Another idea is that if you were affiliated with a sorority/fraternity in college to see if they have an alumni/alumnae group near your town or city. I was able to connect with other ladies that way as well!

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Marianna

I also hear Laurel!

I never usually comment, but this post about making friends as an adult caught my eye. I personally find it difficult to make friends when you are not in college anymore, where there was always someone to hang out with and you were never alone or bored.
Nowadays I have the feeling that everyone is so buys with their own lives and have very little time for hanging out with friends.

I was recently actively looking for friends and met a girl online who was really friendly, we had a lot in common and had long mailchanins on various topics. However when we met personally, we annoyed each other, she complained a lot which I don’t like and she was looking for something else too. It’s a bad experience right now for me as she was blaming it all on me as if I was not good enough for her standards. So no success story so far in meeting friends online, but I have made some friends at my workplace during my adulthood, but the best ones are still from college times. Why is it now on your radar? I can’t wait for your post on this topic 🙂

xoxo Marianna

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